I.1KKA.KV 


University  of  California- 

Received  iAN  1895       ,  i8g 

Accessions  No.Q^^^Jl^      Chns  No. 


S9Yi 


IT 


THE 


DANCE  OF  LIFE 


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THE 


DANCE  OF  LIFE 


AN    ANSWER    TO     THK 


DANCE  OF  FJEATH",    - 


Mrs.  Dr.  J.  MILTON   BOWERS 

UFIVBRSITT 


San  Francisco 

San  Francisco  News  Company 

1877 


slrf^^ 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1877, 

by  Mrs.  Dr.  J.  MiLTON  BOWEKS,  in  the  Office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress, 

at  Washington,  D.  C. 


13  3'^ 


To  THE  Lady  Dancers  of  San  Francisco  : 

In  your  interests,  chiefly,  and  in  your  defense, 
have  I  written  this  little  book,  and  to  your  kindly 
protection,  in  full  confidence,  I  commit  it.  Neces- 
sarily more  a  bunch  of  thorns  than  of  roses,  more 
a  broom  than  a  bouquet,  you  will  not,  I  trust,  look 
for  beauty,  but  for  use,  as  you  read :  for  we  need 
not  flowers  but  weapons,  not  grace  but  strength,  for 
war. 

I  shall  not  say  to  you,  "Put  yourself  in  my 
place";  for  mine  is  yours.  If  your  feelings  in 
reading  be  what  mine  were  in  writing,  they  will 
bear  me,  I  know,  as  one  of  a  multitude,  triumph- 
antly along. 

With  sisterly  greeting,  but  without  apology  for 
stepping  from  your  ranks  to  check  the  insolence  of 
a  Philistine, 

I  subscribe  myself, 

OF    YOU. 


^4^  0?  THl"^ 

TJiri7BIlSIT7] 


X 


"  If  in  the  wanton  gesture  aught 
Pure  innocence  defame*, 
The  waltz  itself  is  not  in  fault, — 
The  waltzer  is  to  blame." 

"  To  twine  around  in  mere  embrace 
Is  but  a^fancied  harm  ; 
Or  arm  with  arm  to  interlace 
Gives  virtue  no  alarm." 


PREFACE. 


N  E  of  the  best,  and,  when  mod- 
erately used,  most  innocent  of 
our  social  recreations  is  the 
dance.  And  no  variety  of  this,  as  to 
either  motion  or  music,  is  more  attractive 
than  the  Waltz.  This,  originating  from 
no  frivolous  or  licentious  people,  but  from 
the  staid  and  home-loving  Germans,  was 
imported  about  1815  into  England,  where 
it  soon  won  high  favor.  True,  there  was 
a  little  outcry  raised  at  first  against  it  by 
the  timid  or  prudish  of  that  conservative 
island;  but  it  kept  the  ground  it  gained, 


viii  Preface. 

and  could  not  to-day  be  driven  from  the 
mansions  of  an  aristocratic  caste,  the 
proudest,  and,  morally,  the  purest,  per- 
haps, in  the  world. 

And  now  is  it  to  become  a  dream  of 
the  past,  for  which  we  may  soon  long  in 
vain?  Shall  this  most  natural  offspring 
of  youth  and  joy  be  swept  away,  like 
Hood's  Midsummer  Fairies,  by  the  ruth- 
less hand  of  some  moral  vandal  or  specu- 
lator? Is  the  temple  of  the  most  wor- 
shiped and  worshipful  of  the  Nine  to  be 
forever  closed  because  some  sensational- 
ist chooses  to  label  the  rite  she  loves 
The  Dance  of  Death?  We  think  not. 
We  think  that  all  we  need  do  is  to  ex- 
pose again  the  oft-recurring  fallacy  of 
decrying  what  is  useful,  beautiful,  or  in- 
dispensable, because  it  is  liable  to  abuse ; 
to  show  that  any  of  the  indispensable 


Preface.  ix 

acts  of  life  can  afford  the  base  and  law- 
less an  equal  opportunity  for  the  display 
of  their  character. 

A  mere  accident  led  me  to  answer  this 
** Dance  of  Death."  About  two  months 
ago,  a  friend  called  my  attention,  while 
in  a  store,  to  the  book.  The  title  struck 
me  as  curious  and  ominous;  and  think- 
ing, notwithstanding  its  fantastic  exter- 
nal, that  it  was  some  allegory  of  the 
Pilgrim  s  Progress  type,  I  opened  it.  It 
is  quite  safe  to  say  of  this  book  what  can 
be  said  of  few,  that  from  any  of  its  one 
hundred  and  thirty  pages  you  can  in- 
stantly deduce  its  character.  I  read  a 
few  sentences  of  the  preface,  and  was 
still  more  astonished  that  the  author 
pleaded  necessity  as  an  excuse  for  the 
publication.  Thinking,  then,  that  some 
reasons  would  be  found   to   palliate,  at 


X  •  Preface. 

least,  its  obscenity,  I  purchased  a  copy. 
Never  did  any  book  awake  within  me 
such  feelings  of  shame  and  indignation. 
Only  a  strong  impulse  to  vindicate  my 
sex  from  its  slanders  (infamous  as  far 
we  are  concerned)  could  have  led  me  to 
give  it  the  careful  perusal  an  answer 
demanded. 

And  if,  in  following  the  author,  I  am 
forced  to  plunge  into  a  Stygian  stream 
of  fetid  impurity,  my  readers  cannot 
expect  that  I  shall  pass  through  it  wholly 
without  soil.  But  as  the  external  gar- 
ments of  language,  however  repulsive, 
will  not  sully  the  whiteness  of  the  soul, 
I  need  make  little  apology  to  my  read- 
ers for  any  forced  infringement  on  the 
domain  of  the  indelicate.  Lest  my  re- 
marks upon  the  author  himself,  however, 
seem  too  personal  and  severe,  I  would 


Preface.  •  xi 

remind  my  readers  that  the  antecedents 
and  character  of  every  ''  revelator "  are 
proper  subjects  for  comment  and  criti- 
cism, especially  when  we  have  (as  in  this 
case)  no  means  of  arriving  at  any  direct 
and  "positive  knowledge  of  the  matter 
whereof  he  speaks." 

These  (which,  fortunately,  we  have 
both  voluntarily  and  involuntarily  from 
himself),  must  determine  to  a  great  ex- 
tent what  weight  his  assertions  should 
carry.  The  style,  too,  of  a  writer,  as  of  a 
witness,  should  have  much  influence  on 
our  minds.  My  remarks  upon  the  author, 
keeping  to  the  strict  letter  of  the  text  he 
furnishes,  must  be  considered  in  no  other 
light  than  as  argumentative.  I  have  no 
personal  knowledge  whatever  of  him, 
and  if  I  had  any  spleen  to  gratify,  I 
would  not  condescend  to  indulge  it,  only 


xii  .  Preface. 

because  he  had  uttered  what  did  not 
please  me.  In  a  word,  I  would  use  (as 
I  hope  I  have)  the  whip  only  of  logic 
and  of  just  inference  to  chastise  his 
audacity. 

I  cannot  foresee  in  what  light  the 
other  sex  will  view  an  effort  that,  from 
its  nature,  can  plead  but  inferentially 
their  cause.  For  their  sakes  I  hope  they 
are  able,  and  will  soon  tell  the  author  of 
the  *' Dance,"  that,  respecting  them  as 
well  as  us,  he  ''lies — under  a  mistake"; 
but,  as  to  my  own  sex,  if  I  shall  gain  (as 
I  doubt  not)  their  approval  and  sympa- 
thy, I  shall  be  amply  rewarded  for  my 
trouble,  how  much  soever  I  may  be 
censured,  for  the  sake  of  consistency,  by 
some  critics  of  the  pulpit  or  the  press. 


CHAPTER  I. 


The  Waltz?  the  mazy  Waltz  !   be  sure 

It  shall  not  be  forgot ; 
To  us  it  yields  new  life  and  grace, 

Though  the  vulgar  seize  them  not ; 
Its  rings  we'll  weave  like  children  true 

Of  sun  and  moon,  in  our  play. 
And  gain  surcease  of  sorrow  and  care 

With  a  glimpse  of  that  joyous  day, 
When  all  of  the  madness  and  horror  and  sin 
That  fools  and  bigots  have  bred  therein 

From  our  earth  shall  have  passed  away. 

J.   H.   Carey. 


HERE  are  in  polemics  two  kinds 
of  books,  each  almost  equally- 
difficult  to  answer ;  the  one  ex- 
hibiting good  sense  and  sound 

logic,  the  other,  not  a  particle  of  either. 

So  always,  in  some  point,  les  extremes  se 


14  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

toiichent.  The  book  before  me,  "  7^ he 
Dance  of  Death,"  belongs  eminently  to 
the  last  class,  with  the  addition  that  its 
folly  is  of  the  most  pernicious  kind.  The 
face  of  its  pages  shows  the  author  to  be, 
in  mechanical  education,  just  what  he  dis- 
avows— a ''professed  (professional,  I  sup- 
pose he  means)  litterateur  "  ;  and  in  true 
education,  or  natural  development,  some- 
thing very  remote  from  a  refined  and 
cultured  man.  True,  he  seems  suffi- 
ciently well-read  and  acquainted  with  an- 
cient writing,  to  treat  his  subject,  how- 
ever revolting,  with  some  tact  and  taste  ; 
yet  he  hardly  vails  with  a  fig-leaf  its 
nude  obscenities.  Nor  can  we  accord  to 
him  even  the  poor  merit  of  good  inten- 
tion ;  for  the  internal  evidence  of  the 
book  betrays  that  the  author's  design 
was  anything  but  that  of  "  malice " 
against  vice.  This  is  conclusively  proved 
from  his  own  words,  in  his  tenth  chapter, 
as  we  shall  see.     The  style  throughout 


THE    DEVIL    A    MONK    IS    HE." 


has  all  the  licentious  polish  of  the  volup- 
tuary— all  the  sanctimonious  airs  of  a 
book  meant,  under  the  guise  of  virtue,  to 
sap  the  morals  of  society.  But,  through 
all  the  glamour  of  the  book  we  are  review- 
ing, we  detect  the  gloating  eye  and  fever- 
ish pulse.  If  I  feel  that  my  mind  has 
been  in  high  revolt  from  the  pollution  of 
its  pages,  my  readers  can  judge  how 
"  much  good "  it  would  do  to  have  its 
poison  cast  into  the  tender,  receptive 
minds  of  the  young.  Let  the  most  blase 
French  novelist,  not  excluding  Paul  de 
Kock,  now  forever  hide  his  diminished 
head.  His  worst  has  been  outdone  by 
an  American,  who,  avowedly  palled  by  a 
long  career  of  pleasure,  would  fain  have 
us  believe  that  his  "  sense  of  duty"  forces 
him  to  be  our  "moralist  and  guide. "  Even 
if  the  visionary  dangers  against  which  he 
warns  us  had  any  reality,  his  book  is  cal- 
culated to  aggravate  them  tenfold,  by 
suggestions  that  otherwise  would  never 

i^<>^   OP  THB     ^^ 


l6  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

enter  the  minds  of  the  pure.  If  "to 
the  pure  all  things  are  pure,"  to  the  filthy 
all  things  are  filthy,  and  of  the  last  no 
one  can  so  well  point  the  moral  as  the 
author  of  "  The  Dance  of  Death." 

Nor  need  he  fear  that  any  one  would  be 
so  silly  as  to  suppose  him  a  Puritan  Min- 
ister, and  still  less  to  suppose  that  it  is 
merely  from  change  of  ^as^e  he  refuses 
to  continue  the  draught  of  the  waltz, 
which  he  once  found  so  intoxicating. 
Were  this  last  true,  he^would  surely  have 
told  us  by  what  means  he  experienced 
this  change  of  heart,  and  gared  no  longer 
to  be  a  virgin-devouring  Minotaur. 
Must  we  not  say  of  vice  as  of  fame, 
Vh^esque  acqttirit  eundo.  Besides,  writ- 
ing under  a  nom-de-plume,  his  modesty(.'*) 
would  not  be  hurt  by  any  admissions. 

We  are  evidently  a  very  nearsighted 
community  and  our  olfactory  nerves  ex- 
ceedingly defective;  for, unlike  theauthor, 
we  are  unable  to  descry  the  ''  presence  of 


SUUM    CUIQUE.  I  7 

corruption"  so  gross  as  to  deserve  the 
avalanche  of  virtuous  wrath  he  sends 
upon  our  devoted  heads.  Supposing 
those  who  waltz  cannot  read  (and  it 
would  not  be  surprising  that  many  of 
his  waltzers  cannot)  ought  he  not  have 
preached  from  the  house-tops  for  their 
benefit  ?  He  says  he  knows  that  there  are 
many  who  can  and  do  dance  without  an 
impure  thought,  or  action,  and  to  those  he 
does  not  speak.  Why,  then,  is  his  introduc- 
tory scene  laid  in  an  aristocratic  mansion? 
Why  not  confess  at  once  that  his  portrait- 
ure of  the  dance  refers  to  a  bagnio,  a 
hoodlum  picnic,  a  beer  cellar,  or  a  low- 
class  divan?  The  heads  as  well  as  the 
heels  of  those  to  be  found  in  lordly  man- 
sions are,  we  must  presume,  cultivated 
at  least  to  the  extent  that  no  gross  license, 
such  as  the  author  imagines,  could  be, 
for  an  instant,  tolerated.  Wealth  brings 
refinement,  and  refinement  is  incompati- 
ble with  indecency.       But  this   man  in 


1 8  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

truth  describes  the  manners,  and  gestures 
found  perhaps  (though  even  this  is  doubt- 
ful) in  places  devoted  to  vice,  and  not 
those  of  the  inmates  or  guests  of  a  re- 
spectable private  dwelling.  In  the  form- 
er the  grosser  passions  are  rampant,  and 
rule  with  iron  sway. 

Our  author  s  descriptions  can  leave  us 
but  little  doubt  that  he  "knows  whereof  he 
affirms;"  but  if  he  had  not  decency  enough 
to  keep  the  feelings  aroused  in  such  dens 
to  himself,  he  should  at  least  not  outrage 
society  by  asserting  that  they  are  quick- 
ened to  intensest  life  in  its  choicest  circles. 
Much  as  we  delight  in  the  healthful  exhil- 
aration of  the  dance,  heaven  defend  us 
from  the  extraordinary  exaltation  of 
spirits  that  the  author's  waltz  produces  ; 
from  the  foul  imaginations  that  any  well- 
bred  young  woman  would  shake  as  a 
pestilence  from  her. 

But  as  we  fear  not  the  author  s  bug- 
bears, assured  that    the  internal   mirror 


BEAUTY    WITHOUT    THE    BEAST.  1 9 

will  reflect,  for  our  thoughts,  only  what 
we  are,  let  us  enter  the  scene  of  enchant- 
ment, and  join  the  throng  of  "  lewd  dan- 
cers." Strange  as  it  may  seem,  the 
youth,  beauty,  and  innocence,  from  which 
classic  sculptors  and  mythologists  of  old 
drew  their  inspiration,  invite  us  to  do 
so  with  irresistible  allurement.  Funny 
though,  that  nothing  savoring  of  a  Dio- 
nysian  revel  strikes  the  senses;  no  ob- 
scene pictures  meet,  as  they  should,  the 
eye ;  no  Bacchic  music  of  the  cancan  or 
orchestral  improvisations  from  a  Cre- 
morne  or  Mabille  Jardin  strike,  as  they 
should,  the  ear;  naught  but  the  divine 
strains  of  Strauss,  wafting  the  soul  from 
earth  to  Olympus.  As  I  walk  into  the 
room  on  the  arm  of  the  doctor,  my  hus- 
band (who,  by  the  way,  does  not  dance), 
a  great  many  acquaintances  claim  a  smile 
and  a  bow.  I  do  dance  readers,  I  am 
happy  to  say,  and  my  card  is  soon  filled. 
There  are  quite  a  number  of  small  wo- 


20  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

men,  nimble  and  li^^ht  of  foot,  women 
who  seldom  reach  to  the  shoulders  of 
their  partners.  Strange  they  should 
have  so  many  of  these  ravenous  beasts 
seeking  to  devour  them  with  their  eye, 
to  mingle  their  fiery  breath  with — well 
the  artificial  flowers  in  their  hair  perhaps, 
that  now  and  then  tickle  their  noses. 
Yes,  strange,  I  say,  how  many  Apollos 
like  to  dance  with  those  small  women 
who  generally  need  no  support  from 
a  partner  and  are  not  given  to  re- 
posing on  his  breast.  One  of  Strauss' 
best  is  being  exquisitely  played.  What 
may  be  our  feelings  and  emotions,  any 
one  sensible  to  heavenly  music  can  tell. 
Are  the  inspirations  it  gives,  of  the  earth, 
earthy,  grovelling  ?  We  forget  our  part- 
ners, our  friends,  our  surroundings,  in 
these  almost  sacred  circlings,  that  like 
the  religious  gyrations  of  the  Magi, 
permit  the  soul  a  temporary  escape  from 
the  body  to  realms  above.      This  is  the 


"MUSIC    HATH    CHARMS,      ETC.  21 

soul-reviving  nectar  that  a  moralistic  (?) 
speculator  would  dash  from  our  lips ! 
We  seem  floating  through  ether,  far  re- 
moved from  earth  and  its  cares.  We  are 
with  the  gods,  yes,  but  not  the  sensuous, 
impure  gods  of  the  ancients.  We  ex- 
perience not  the  questionable  pleasure  of 
Mahomet's  Paradise,  still  less  the  gross 
one  of  the  debauchee,  but  something 
altogether  blissful  and  pure.  And  as  its 
last  low  tones  die  off,  we  mentally  ex- 
claim with  Richter : 

Away!   away! 

Thou  speakest  to  me  of  things 

I  ne'er  hath  seen  nor  e'er  shall  see. 

As  to  exhaustion,  why,  calisthenics  or  any 
other  medically-recommended  exercise, 
produces  a  not  unhealthy  fatigue. 

The  description  the  author  gives  of  the 
dancing  of  a  couple  is  ludicrous  in  the 
extreme;  it  utterly  transcends  all  my 
experience.  In  the  name  of  common 
sense,  what  decent  woman  would  dance 


22  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

with  even  the  most  intimate  relative 
or  friend  in  the  manner  he  describes? 
"  Her  head  upon  his  shoulder,  her  face 
upturned  to  his,  her  naked  arm  around 
a  strange  man's  neck,  her  swelling  breast 
heaving  tumultuously  against  his  ! ! " 
Pshaw!  If  the  real  object  of  this  book 
were  the  destruction  of  the  waltz,  it 
would  be  defeated  by  the  utter  absurd- 
ity of  the  pictures.  That  "  pure " 
maiden  so  vividly  described  is  no  pure 
maiden,  but  belongs  to  that  class  whose 
motto  is,  ''In  all  essential  particulars, 
my  virtue  is  at  your  disposal."  A  pure 
maiden  does  not,  act  like  this.  She  has 
no  impure  postures,  no  indecent  poses. 
Purity  is  everywhere  pure,  chastity  al- 
ways chaste.  Could  a  woman  of  the 
high  world,  possessed  of  any  refinement, 
forget  herself  to  this  degree  ?  Just 
think,  reader,  of  the  caricature  with 
which  you  are  presented !  It  was  not 
the  "morals,"  but  the  intelligence  of  the 


THOUGHTS  IMPURE  "MATERIALIZED.      23 

"  printer "  that  was  outraged  when  our 
author  presented  him  with  such  "copy  " 
as  "  her  naked  arm  around  a  strange 
man  s  neck ;"  just  as  if  a  woman  ever 
waltzed,  or  could  waltz,  with  any  one  in 
that  style.  Let  any  lady  whose  height 
does  not  exceed  five  feet  eight  inches 
make  the  experiment  with  one  even  two 
or  three  inches  taller. 

But  not  content  with  slandering  my 
sex,  our  author  must  now  slander  his 
own.  I  am  very  observant  of  human 
nature,  yet  have  never  seen  the  "  faint 
smile  of  triumph "  on  the  lip  of  "  the 
late  partner," — a  triumph  that  seems  to 
me  as  visionary  and  intangible  as  the 
horrors  of  this  "  Dance  of  Death."  It 
puts  me  in  mind  of  a  story  I  once  heard. 
A  poor  hungry  man  stood  before  a  sau- 
sage-stall with  but  six-pence  in  his 
pocket,  deliberating  about  the  invest- 
ment of  his  last  cent  in  the  purchase  of 
the  huckster's  suspicious  though  savory 

^  ^^   OF  THE     ^ 


24  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

compound.  He  remained  so  long  be- 
fore the  stall  without  purchasing  that 
the  proprietor  grew  indignant  and  de- 
manded six-pence  of  him  on  the  ground 
that  he  snuffed  up  fully  six-pence  worth 
of  flavor.  Upon  his  very  natural  re- 
fusal to  liquidate,  the  woman  in  a  rage 
had  him  taken  before  a  judge.  After 
having  heard  both  sides  of  the  story, 
the  judge  asked  the  poor  man  for  his 
six-pence.  It  was  mournfully  handed 
over.  The  London  Solomon  then  called 
for  two  plates,  and  placed  the  money 
between  them.  Bidding  the  woman  lis- 
ten attentively,  he  rung  violently  for  a 
little  while  the  money ;  then  handing  it 
back  to  its  owner,  he  said,  *  Depart  now 
in  peace,  my  good  woman,  your  claim  is 
settled ;  this  man  has  snuffed  the  odor 
of  your  sausages,  and  you  have  heard 
the  jingle  of  his  money.' 

We  get  on    page  28   a  picture  of  a 
jealous  husband,  whom  all  join  in  ridi- 


BACCHUS    AND    ARIADNE.  25 

culing.  Ah  !  my  friends,  if  he  be  jealous, 
he  knows  why,  and  that  voluptuous  wo- 
man he  calls  his  wife,  knows  why,  also  ; 
for  a  waltz  is  a  very  little  thing  to  be 
jealous  of.  It  is  really  a  (5^-cause  with- 
out a  cause.  In  this  case,  perhaps  the 
husband  thought  he  had  followed  long 
enough  the  intrigue  going  on  between 
his  wife  and  her  partner  in  the  waltz  ; 
for  these  are  the  ones  who  may  lose  their 
senses  and  give  themselves  up  to  a  sen- 
sual and  degrading  exaltation.  No  won- 
der the  husband  is  ''  miserable,  self-de- 
spised, murderous."  I  do  not  blame  him 
for  scowling  and  turning  green  from  the 
snake-bite  of  jealousy. 

If  graceful  dancing,  like  that  of  Bac- 
chus and  Ariadne,  had  always  two  such 
excellent  results  as  those  given  from  the 
'*old  writer,"  viz,  to  make  bachelors 
Benedicts,  and  to  send  strayaways  home 
to  their  wives,  I  do  not  see  what  more 
our  author  could  desire.     But  what  non- 


26  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

sense  to  cite  fables  about  Grecian  myths 
as  arguments ! 

But  what  an  audacious  flight  does  the 
author's  imagination  take  on  page  31  ! 
One  of  the  ^'perfect''  lady-waltzers  enter- 
ing a  hired  hack  to  be  driven  home,  very 
slowly,  by  order — in  the  dark — ("down 
with  the  curtains,"  says  our  romancist) — 
all  alone  with  her  newly  found  Apollo  of 
the  ball-room.  Would  any  parent,  relative, 
escort  or  friend  tolerate,  under  any  cir- 
cumstances, such  a  breach  of  etiquette,  of 
natural  propriety  ?  Perhaps  he  would 
have  us  believe  that  young  ladies  go  to 
private  fashionable  balls  unattended  !  Ah! 
truly,  we  fear  that  those  gay  blacksmiths 
are  seldom  trusted  with  such  ductile  ma- 
terial as  that  of  young  maidens,  except 
in  the  fervid  imaginations  of  people  like 
the  author.  But  should  a  solitary  in- 
stance, one  out  of  ten  millions,  occuf 
wherein  they  are,  who  is  to  blame } 
*  The    waltz,    undoubtedly,'    the    author 


FIGHTS    NOT    OUR    FOES.  27 

would  say !  Away  with  such  stupid  in- 
ferences! As  well  blame  the  horses  that 
pull  the  carriage.  It  is  not  waltzing  that 
is  the  crying  evil  of  to-day  ;  it  is  the  cham- 
pagne, the  late  suppers  and  the  night 
exposure  after  the  hot-bath  of  a  theatre, 
etc.,  which  ruin  tlie  young  and  bring  them 
to  an  early  grave.  If  the  author  had  be- 
thought him  to  assail  these  evils  as  em- 
phatically as  he  did  the  waltz,  some  real 
and  solid  good  might  have  resulted.  I 
am  far  from  favoring  all  the  dances  of  to- 
day— some  savor  too  much  of  vulgarity — 
but  the  objectionable  ones,  such  as  the 
"  Boston  Dip,"  are  vetoed  in  good,  if  not 
in  fast  society,  and  will  eventually  die  out 
altogether.  Declaim  against  these  if  you 
will,  but  leave  us  our  delicious,  soul-in- 
spiring waltz. 

The  author's  tirade  is  not  alone  against 
the  waltz,  but  the  waltzers,  calling  the 
latter  of  my  sex  names  that  I  cannot  re- 
print.    What  gentleman  would  descend, 


28  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

needlessly,  to  sully  his  pages  with  the 
epithets  Mr.  Herman  continually  uses. 
Such  language,  however,  exposes  the 
man  and  his  motive.  If  he  have  any  ill- 
wishers,  they  need  no  longer  yearn  for 
vengeance,  in  the  subtle  words  of  the 
sage  :  "  Oh  !  that  mine  enemy  would 
write  a  book!"  He  anticipates  this 
charge,  of  course,  as  he  does  many  others, 
pleading  the  excuse  of  necessity  for  thrust- 
ing his  "  putridity  under  our  nostrils."  It 
was  rank  enough,  heaven  knows,  in  idea 
without  intensifying  it  by  word.  But 
"his  peace  of  mind"  and  anxiety  "for 
what  our  morals  ought  to  be,"  demanded 
this!  He  would  be  the  last  to  wound 
pure  and  delicate  minds  by  grossness  of 
idea  or  expression  !  It  is,  of  course,  no 
cheap  clap-trap  with  him  to  declare  that 
he  would  "  prefer  his  right  hand  to  with- 
er than  to  give  offense  to  one  "! !  H  is  book 
is  circulating  now  freely,  I  understand, 
just  where   it  will   do  most  harm — just 


THE    **D.   D.      IN    THE    SCHOOLS.        29 

where,  undoubtedly,  it  will  produce  meet 
fruit.  If  we  sow  the  wind,  what  can  we 
reap  but  the  whirlwind ! 


CHAPTER  II 


At  every  ball 
My  wife  now  waltzes  and  my  daughters  shall. 


Byron, 


T  THE  head  of  chapter  1 1  of  the 
'*  Dance,"  we  have  the  follow- 
ing from  Petrarch  : 


"  The  dance  is  the  spur  of  lust — a  circle  of  which  the  devil 
is  the  center.  Many  women  that  use  it  have  come  dishonest 
home,  rrtost  indifferent,  none  better." 

The  name  of  the  author  destroys  the 
argument  of  this  citation.  This  poet 
lived  in  a  most  licentious  age,  when  a 
refined  or  morally  educated  woman,  was 
the  rare  exception.  In  his  day  there  was 
little  cultivation  of  either  heart  or  brain. 


ITALY    AND    FRANCE.  3I 

At  no  time  could  even  French  morals 
compare  with  the  Italian  licentiousness 
and  corruption  of  that  day.  The  people 
were  so  susceptible  to  female  charms, 
that  they  were  forced  to  examine  some 
of  their  "  prisoners  in  the  dark,  lest  jus- 
tice should  be  perverted  by  the  influence 
of  personal  beauty."  If  France,  then, 
was  outdone  in  profligacy  of  manners  by 
Italy,  Petrarch's  assertions,  as  above,  will 
seem  none  too  strong  for  the  provocation. 
The  truth  is  their  morals  were  altogether 
decousties.  The  undisciplined  and  igno- 
rant population  were  sunk  in  either  fan- 
aticism or  sensuality,  these  opposites 
necessarily  creating  much  social  strife 
and  disorder.  The  fiery  women  of  Italy 
indulged  every  passing  whim,  knew  not 
what  soul  culture  meant,  and  were  strang- 
ers to  most  of  those  home  qualities  that 
women  should  possess,  contenting  them- 
selves with  mere  external  attractions  that 
satisfy   not   the  demands   of  the   heart. 


32  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

Warm,  sunny,  passionate  Italia  was  the 
birthplace  of  the  most  licentious  forms  of 
dancing.  Can  we  wonder  that  Petrarch 
wrote  in  the  above  strain  ?  But  the 
state  of  the  world  to-day  (at  least  of 
the  English-speaking  portion)  is  very 
different,  socially  and  morally — no  less 
than  politically — from  that  of  the  Italy 
of  the  poet's  time.  Every  succeeding 
period  since,  has  brought  improvements 
with  it,  and  to-day  we  can  enjoy  the 
pleasures  of  dancing,  as  well  as  many 
others  then  grossly  abused,  in  a  manner 
consistent  with  the  most  refined  and 
chaste  feelings. 

This  book  goes  on  to  say :  *'  The 
fair  women  you  have  somewhat  naturally 
mistaken  for  pretresses  de  la  Vagabonde 
Venus,  are  the  pure  daughters  and  spot- 
less wives  of  our  best  citizens.  Their 
male  companions  or  accomplices,  or 
whatever  you  choose  to  call  them,  are 
the  creme  de  la  creme  of  all  that  is  re- 


SHOCKING    INTRUDERS.  33 

spectable  and  eligible  in  society." 
Heavens !  What  language  and  asser- 
tions !  No  wonder  that  he  should  dread 
the  formidable  frowns  of  wealth  and 
fashion  at  this  audacious  and  incredible 
impeachment.  But  the  noble  reformer 
quails  not,  cheered  by  the  hope  that 
those  fair  votaries  of  the  waltz  who  are 
not  above  reproach,  will,  when  they  read 
this  product  of  a  high  moral  purpose  (!) 
and  a  smitten  conscience,  reform  alto- 
gether. And  indeed  few  pure-minded 
women  who  have  read  his  book,  can  now 
share  in  this  dance  without  a  blush  ? 
Thoughts  and  emotions  utterly  strange 
to  them  must  rise  up  to  embarrass  and 
restrain  them.  What  was  hitherto  an 
innocent  diversion,  tends  to  become  for 
a  time  at  least,  a  painful  ordeal  and  will 
remain  so  until  this  book  is  (as  I  trust 
it  soon  shall  be)  forgotten.  If  emotions, 
such  as  the  author  ascribes  to  the  waltz, 
were  at  all  awakened,  it  would  be  be- 


34  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

tween  lovers  or  friends  at  least,  and  not 
between  utter  strangers. 

The  author  now  quotes  some  choice 
morceaux  from  Byron's  "Waltz."  This 
indecent  poem  might  well  have  been 
the  root,  as  it  has  been  the  food,  of 
the  '* Dance."  The  child  seems  every 
way  like  and  worthy  of  such  a  parent. 
But  as  to  authors  and  citations,  how  ad- 
mirably our  moralist,  commencing  with 
Swinburne,  chooses  his  own.  Suum 
cuique.     For  him  must  have  been  written: 

"  All  that  nature  made  thine  own, 
Floating  in  air  or  pent  in  stone, 
Will  rive  the  hills  and  swim  the  sea, 
And,  like  thy  shadow,  follow  thee." 

What  author  more  suggestive  of  inde- 
cency than  Byron! — a  man  ready  to  sin 
upon  the  least  provocation,  and  whose 
mind  was  ever  in  the  whirl  of  turbid, 
sensual  passions.  Is  it  astonishing  that 
he,  or  any  of  his  class,  misconstrue  the 
exhilaration  of  the  Waltz?     Men  love 


WE    KNOW   YOU    NOT.  35 

darkness  whose  deeds  are  darkness; 
therefore  Byron  would  have  "the  light 
put  out."  In  more  cases  than  one  he 
has  shocked  his  readers,  where  the  theme 
afforded  less  scope  for  it  even  than  the 
Waltz. 

The  author  addresses  himself  to  the 
best  people  of  every  country.  How  for- 
eign to  their  thoughts  must  be  his  ideas ! 
The  elegant  and  refined  of  the  old 
world,  at  least,  will  charitably  suppose 
him  dazed,  should  they  ever  deign  to 
give  his  Rabelaistic  conceits  a  perusal. 
But  I  presume  they  will  be  left  to  the 
scum  of  humanity  as  their  fitting  food. 

How  can  we  draw  a  parallel  between 
the  love  of  dancing  and  that  of  drink? 
If  there  v^^x^  ^^ anything  in'  the  former 
as  there  is  in  the  latter,  would  men  dis- 
continue it  after  marriage,  as  it  is  as- 
serted they  almost  invariably  do  ?  What 
man  leaves  off  drink  for  any  length  of 
time  after  marriage — if  the  love  of  it  had 


36  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

fastened  on  him  before — however  terri- 
ble its  consequences  might  be  to  himself 
and  family?  Of  dancers  we  cannot 
say, — Celui  qui  a  dansc^  dansera,  as  we  do 
of  drunkards, — Celui  qui  a  bu  boira. 

Pope  could  scarcely  have  had  in  view 
the  Waltz  ''monster"  when  he  wrote: 

"  But  seen  too  oft,   familiar  with  his  face, 
We  first  endure,  then  pity,  then  embrace} — 

for  no  familiarity  could  reconcile  us  to  an 
Apollo,  transformed  to  a  Dragon  more 
pestilential  than  that  of  the  classic  myth. 
They  who  understand  human  nature 
know  how  tenacious  is  vice  of  its  victims, 
and  how  despotically  it  crushes  outsail 
the  protecting  good  in  our  nature.     For, 

*'  Our    acts  our  angels  are,  or  good  or  ill, 
The  fatal  shadows  that  walk  by  us  still." 

To  understand  fully  this,  we  have  but 
to  enter  the  drunkard's  home.  No  com- 
fort within  its  walls!  No  joyous  prattle 
of  children    there;    no    fire   or   food, — 


THE    WAGES    OF    SIN.  37 

naught  but  gaunt  famine,  fear,  tears,  and 
whisky;  the  end — madness  or  death. 

Again,  see  the  consequences  of  inordi- 
nate thirst  for  gain  or  power,  whereby 
one  becomes  a  petrifaction,  moving  no 
longer  in  the  image  of  Him  who  made 
us.  Here  will  be  another  almost  equally 
desolate  home;  gilded  misery — naught 
else.  The  wife  of  a  Midas  or  Napoleon 
may  pace  her  salons  decked  with  jewels, 
but  her  arms  hold  no  golden  sheaves  of 
love ;  her  heart  is  dead,  her  life  a  blank. 
If  she  have  vice,  what  wonder  that  she 
indulge  it! 

Take  Jealousy — but  need  we  depict 
this  fiend?  Who  has  not  seen  the  fierce 
gleam  of  his  eye,  culminating  most  fre- 
quently in  unspeakable  horrors. 

And  how  enduring  and  incurable  the 
vice  of  gambling!  An  evil  spirit,  ever 
urging  on  its  victim  with  the  glittering 
prize  that  allures  only  to  inevitable  de- 


38  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

struction!     The  end  of  all  these  things 
is  death. 

But  who  are  the  presiding  deities  at 
the  dancing  fete?  Those  of  Hades  or 
of  Olympus?  The  Furies  or  the  Graces? 
Let  the  appearance  of  the  ball-room,  the 
smile  of  pleasure  on  all  faces,  and  the 
quickening  of  the  pulse  to  the  joyous 
music  of  the  dance,  answer.  We  return 
to  our  homes,  after  a  social  feast  with 
refined  and  cultivated  human  beings, 
refreshed  and  strengthened,  our  better 
natures,  if  not  more  stimulated  to  good, 
certainly  not  more  stimulated  to  evil. 
By  joy  as  by  sorrow  the  heart  softens  to 
a  thousand  kindly  offices  for  those  less 
fortunate  than  we,  and  the  silent  trusts 
committed  to  us  are  generally,  from  such 
influences,  more  faithfully  discharged. 
Asked  once  by  a  gentleman  if  I  were 
any  better  after  waltzing,  I  replied  with 
some  surprise  that  I  was  no  worse  than 
if  I  had  played  at  croquet.     To  vice,  as 


THE    WALTZ    VS.    ALCOHOL.  39 

I  have  said,  belongs  death;  but  to  the 
genial  Waltz,  naught  that  I  can  see  but 
life. 

How  can  our  author  reconcile  purity 
of  thought  with  sensuality  of  thought  ? 
How  can  a  woman  be  pure  and  impure 
at  the  same  time?  Yet,  this  is  what  he 
specifically  asserts.  No  shadow  of  degre- 
dation  ever  flitted  over  me  or  my  friends, 
though  we  have  waltzed  away  many  a 
delightful  evening,  returning  to  our  homes 
recruited  in  spirits,  and 

Carrying  in  our  hearts  for  days 
Peace  that  hallows  rudest  ways. 

After  making  some  quite  inapplicable 
comparisons  between  the  evils  of  alcohol 
and  tobacco,  and  those  of  the  waltz,  he 
proceeds  to  tell  us  that  it  is  to  ''pure  and 
lovely  woman  "  ( ! ! )  he  addresses  himself, 
to  dissuade  her  from  sullying  herself  any 
longer  with  this  degrading  amusement. 
Our  dance,  indeed,  might  well  deserve 


40  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

some  of  the  epithets  he  gives  it,  were 
we,  in  its  performance,  a  tenth  part  as  in- 
extricably interblended  as  incongruous 
ideas  are  in  his.  The  female  elite  of  so- 
ciety are  not  exactly  "prostitutes!"  argues 
this  audacious  writer,  "though  the  unin- 
itiated spectator  of  their  orgies  might  well 
imagine  it;"  and  the  soul-destroying  waltz 
is  one  of  the  choice  products  of  those  who 
lead  the  world  in  all  that  is  refined  and 
desirable,  ''perfected  by  the  grace  with 
which  God  has  gifted  them  above  the  vul- 
gar ! "  Those  people  whom  the  poet 
aptly  calls  the  "  glass  of  fashion  and  the 
mould  of  form,"  who  could  give  us  again, 
in  their  persons  and  demeanor,  the  rules, 
if  lost,  of  all  aesthetic  art — those  are  they 
forsooth,  who  shock  our  feelings  by  their 
libidinous  poses  and  movements,  while 
yet,  in  their  necessarily  light  and  unim- 
peding  costume  (charged  to  them  like- 
wise as  a  "  perfect  outrage"),  they  display 
a  ravishing  grace  and  "poetry  of  motion!'' 


OH  !     NAME    IT    NOT  !  4 1 

What  clashing  stuff  is  all  this,  to  be 
sure!  But  what  can  we  expect  from  the 
taste  of  a  man  who  writes  of  women,  fair 
and  chaste  enough,  according  to  his  de- 
scriptions, to  attract  the  angels,  as  "spit- 
ted on  the  same  bodkin "  with  their 
''paramours  "  (?)  in  the  dance  ! !  Who- 
ever before  addressed  such  language  to 
"  lovely  and  pure  women  "  as  is  found  in 
this  book  ?  Good  mothers  will  consign 
it  to  the  flames;  husbands  will  hide  it 
from  their  wives,  or  thrust  it  into  some 
corner  to  be  forever  forgotten.  In  no 
country  but  this,  perhaps,  would  it  have 
been  allowed  to  see  the  light  of  day. 
Just  think,  readers,  of  a  roud,  evidently 
blasd  but  not  passd,  announcing  to  the 
world  that  pure-minded  women  listen 
gladly  in  the  mazes  of  the  waltz  to  lan- 
guage that  elsewhere  they  would  indig- 
nantly resent!  So,  the  balls  that  we 
attend  are  orgies  !  The  fashionable  par- 
ties at  the  Palace  are  bacchanalian  revels ! 


42  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

The  soirdes  dansantes  of  the  upper  ten, 
are  the  hot-beds  whence  emanate  these 
orgies, — and  we,  nearly  all  of  us,  are 
tainted — wife,  daughter,  sister — because 
we  have  dared  to  waltz !  Aye,  verily, 
when  this  Daniel  comes  to  judgment  not 
one  is  found  spotless — no,  not  one. 

"  The  social  status  of  these  people  is 
not  that  of  the  rude  peasant,  whose  lewd 
pranks  are  the  result  of  ignorance,  but 
that  of  the  most  highly  cultivated  and 
refined  among  us."  Were  the  author 
addressing  these  "rude  and  ignorant  peas- 
ants," he  might  have  some  excuse  for  his 
language.  The  boor,  we  are  told,  could 
not  dance  (though  he  were  "to  give  his 
soul  "  for  the  power)  like  these  beings  far 
his  superiors,  and  yet  far  his  inferiors — if 
animal  desire  and  brutish  passion  consti- 
tute inferiority — as  the  author  from  his 
premises  must  concede.  Then,  better 
the  boor  in  his  clogs,  than  these  "high- 
strung,  patent-leathered  individuals,"  so 


CONFUSION    CONFOUNDED.  43 

much  more  refined  and  educated;  for 
thus,  and  only  thus,  can  he  dance  inno- 
cently. We  should  have  thought  that 
the  animal  propensities  of  the  boor  would 
render  him  much  more  fit  to  create  and 
enjoy  the  author's  "bliss"  of  the  waltz, 
than  would  their  instincts  so  fit  the  true 
lady  or  gentleman.  But  it  seems  we 
mistook.  Logic  is  logic,  but  to  what  poor 
sophistry  we  have  sometimes  to  resort  to 
maintain  a  crazy  idea  !  Who  can  unravel 
for  us  this  tangle  of  illogical  and  incon- 
gruous fancies.'^  Can  vulgarity,  obscenity 
and  absurdity  combined,  transcend  the 
pictures  given  us  in  this  **  Dance  of 
Death  "  ? 


^^ 


CHAPTER  III, 

Childhood's  happy  voices 
Oh,  bid  them  not  be  still  j 

While  the  heart  rejoices 
Let  its  laughter  peal," 


NTiciPATiNG  in  the  third  chap- 
ter the  indignation  that  his  par- 
adoxical slanders  are  calculat- 
ed to  excite,  he  condescends 
"  to  go  out  of  his  way  to  answer  "  some 
Sunday  objections,  made  only  to  be  put 
down.  As  I  belong  to  neither  of  the 
classes  into  which  he  divides  my  sex, — 
as  I  am  neither  an  old  fogy,  quite  unac- 
quainted with  modern  dancing,  nor  yet, 
(though  perhaps  one  of  the  '*  par-excel- 
lence" dancers)  an  "ogling  prude,"  I  do 


PHYSICIAN,    HEAL    THYSELF.  45 

not  think  it  necessary  to  defend  the  posi- 
tions that  either  of  these  classes  might, 
or  is  made  by  him  to  take  up,  although 
en  passant  I  may  say  that  many  of  their 
parries  to  his  thrusts  (for  all  the  noncha- 
lence  with  which  he  treats  them)  seem  to 
me  effectual  enough. 

Far  from  being  indignant  and  pro- 
claiming this  author  a  "detractor,  a  pes- 
simist and  hater  of  all  things  that  are  en- 
joyable," I  sincerely  pity  him,  and  earn- 
estly recommend  him  a  cooling  draught, 
as  also  all  those  of  his  sex  who  find 
themselves  unable  to  participate  in  the 
pleasures  of  the  waltz,  from  a  pure  sense 
of  duty,  or  a  conscientious  regard  for 
their  precious  morals.  Though  as  to 
the  last,  they  at  least  could  never  be  lost 
or  injured. 

It  is  evident  that  our  author  is  or  pre- 
tends to  be  acquainted  with  some  vailed 
and  subtle  pleasures  of  the  waltz  which 
he  is  vainly  essaying  to  communicate  to 


46  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

US.  Now,  if  we  don't  comprehend,  why- 
insist  on  Hfting  the  veil  ?  Better  far  to 
leave  us  optimists.  How  nice  are  these 
old  fogies !  How  good  they  are  to  see 
*'  no  liarm  "  in  so  pleasant  though  danger- 
ous an  amusement,  to  smile  benignly 
upon  their  wives  and  children,  as  these 
enter  with  all  their  hearts  into  the  spirit 
of  the  dance !  -What  a  contrast  to  the 
opposite  type,  who  make  a  mountain  out 
of  a  mole-hill,  and  who  hurl  judgment 
upon  the  many  for  the  sins  of  the  few ! 
Why  not  leave  these  fogies  in  their  serene 
innocence  ?  Stimulated  by  the  authors 
suggestions,  they  may  take  a  notion  to 
enter  once  more  the  arena  of  the  whirl, 
crowd  us,  the  divine  dancers,  out,  and 
mar  the  rites  of  the  Graces  with  antics 
suitable  only  to  Pan  or  Priapus.  In  an- 
cient Greece  this  author  would  surely 
have  been  mobbed,  perhaps  torn  assun- 
der  for  his  outrage  upon  the  taste  and 
feelings  of  the  young. 


THE    DEVIL    EVERYWHERE.  47 

As  to  the  ''blusking[})  rakes  and  ogling 
prudes,"  if  they  were  guilty  of  any  im- 
proprieties outside  his  imagination,  why 
should  the  "  divine  waltzers "  be  con- 
demned ?  It  would  be  strange  indeed 
if  the  devil,  who  is  often  found  in  meek- 
est guise  moving  among  the  goody — 
goodies  of  every  class,  could  be  wholly 
excluded  from  the  ball-room.  Get  him, 
O  reformer,  from  beneath,  or  better  still, 
out  of  the  pulpits,  before  you  let  loose 
any  more  vials  of  wrath  upon  our  una- 
voidable short  skirts,  ''our  wonderful 
drapery,"  and  our  perfect  "  concord  of 
movement,"  (just  what  it  should  be)  in 
the  immortal  and  universal  worship  of 
the  muse,  of  the  "  many  twinkling  feet.'' 

I  see  all  the  eulogistic  notices  append- 
ed to  the  volume  (with  three  exceptions 
to  which  I  shall  refer  hereafter)  are  signed 
by  gentlemen.  Perhaps  tkey  understand 
the  secret  of  the  waltz  ;  if  so,  it  is .  not 
wonderful  that  they  endorse  Mr.   Her- 


48  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

man's  views.  But  it  is  significant  what 
few  women  give  him  an  encouraging  word. 
Many  of  them  doubtless,  in  their  sheer 
simplicity,  are  still  wondering  what  all 
the  excitement  is  about.  The  poor  things 
are  incapable  of  grasping  at  once  the 
profound  idea. 

Plato  indeed  was  quite  right ;  for  how- 
ever Utopian  may  be  in  some  respects 
the  radicalism  of  his  Commonwealth,  he 
was  not  such  a  fool  as  to  hint  even  at 
the  destruction  of  the  dance,  knowing 
well  that  such  an  attempt  would  be  as 
chimerical  as  one  to  stop  the  beating  of 
their  hearts  in  young  folks,  who,  by  divine 
appointment,  will  mingle  with  each  other, 
will  see  and  be  seen. 

The  author  seems  to  have  skimmed 
through  enough  of  classical  lore  to  know 
(what  it  suited  him  to  conceal)  that  Plato 
was  not  providing  against  any  inevitable 
evil,  in  advocating  total  nudity  for  dan- 
cers.     By  no  means  ;  but  he  thought  that 


PLATO    VS.    HERMAN.  49 

this  delightful,  healthful  and  necessary 
recreation  for  the  young,  should  have  no 
more  restrictions  than  the  competitive 
games  of  the  palestra,  where  youths  and 
maidens  contended  with  each  other  with- 
out covering.  Besides  as  a  philosopher, 
he,  like  Lycurgus,  knew  that  concealment 
tends  to  create  morbid  and  unnaturally 
intensified  desires,  and  that  full  physical 
vigor  is  attainable  only  through  exer- 
cise and  chastity  in  the  young.  But  Mr. 
H.  launches  with  safety  into  Platonic 
waters,  assured  that  the  majority  of  his 
readers  will  swim  them  only  under  /it's 
guidance. 

Speaking  for  my  sex  of  every  condi- 
tion, I  affirm  that,  if  there  be  any  well- 
kept  secret  about  the  waltz,  it  must  be  in 
the  custody  of  the  men,  else  it  would  have 
leaked  out  long  ago,  if  the  character  for 
babbling,  assigned  us  by  the  lords  of  cre- 
ation, be  just.  Can  any  one  imagine  that 
it  is  we  who  would  turn  off  the  gas  ?     Let 


50  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

the  men  try  it  once,  and  they  will  have 
from  us  so  fierce  a  rebuke,  that  they  will 
never  again  undertake  to  gauge  our 
wishes  by  theirs. 

According  to  our  author  the  obsceni- 
ties of  Phallic  worship  are  modernized 
in  the  ''divine .  waltz."  Yes,  Mr.  H., 
that  is  just  it,  and  we  should  like  to 
know  from  you  what  is  to  be  done 
about  it  ?  The  Pagan  worship  of  ani- 
mal love  is  modernized,  that  is  refined, 
not  by  the  "  grotesque  abominations  "  of 
old  times,  but  by  the  thousand  and  one 
devices  of  cultured  humanity  to  create 
what  Selkirk  sighed  for  on  his  desolate 
island  in  the  words  of  the  poet: 

Society,  friendship  and  love, 

Divinely  bestowed  upon  man, 
Oh !  had  I  the  wings  of  a  dove, 

How  soon  would  I  taste  you  again ! 

I  am  not  sorry  that  our  author  dis- 
creetly abstained  here  from  classifying 
the  dancers  of  our  sex,  as  he  did  those 
of  his  own.     No  doubt,  had  he  done  so, 


THE    MAGNIFICENT    ANIMAL.  5 1 

we  would  have  received  as  much  or  less 
justice  than  the  latter.  It  is  scarcely  my 
province  to  take  up  weapons  in  their 
defense;  all  I  shall  say  is,  that  if  I 
thought  I  could  not  obtain  a  male  part- 
ner for  any  dance  other  than  "a  magnifi- 
cent lustful  animal "  or  a  '*  feeble-kneed 
satyr  of  dalliance,"  both  brainless,  I 
should  flee  from  the  ball-room  as  from  a 
pest-house,  and  I  think  most  of  my  sis- 
ters would  do  likewise. 

The  ruthless  hunters  of  whom  he 
speaks  are  to  be  found  everywhere,  even 
worming  themselves  into  the  good  graces 
of  parents,  etc.,  in  the  private  sanctuary 
of  home,  and  seeking  their  game  in  the 
public  streets  as  in  the  crowded  ball-roopi. 
The  "fine  animal  "  of  the  author  is  never, 
as  judged  by  his  standard,  any  better 
than  a  fine  animal,  when  taken  at  his 
best.  No  wonder  we  have  to  be  on  oun 
guard  against  them  all,  though  strange 
that  it  is  one  of  them  who  now  peaches 


52  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

upon  his  fellows  and  tears  away  the  veil 
for  the  eyes  of  womankind.  He  should 
have  remembered  that  such  an  exposd 
would  increase  the  difficulties  of  the 
hunt,  however  aided  by  the  conventional 
liberties  of  his  ball-room  commonages. 

But  what  are  you  men  all  about? 
Will  you  all  remain  listless  under  these 
terrific  accusations?  Is  it  that  you  think 
them  beneath  your  notice,  or  do  you 
choose  to  leave  the  burden  of  a  reply  to 
us?  Must  we  for  once  reverse  the  order 
of  things,  and  be  your  champion  ?  For 
shame  upon  you  all!  I,  for  one,  shall 
never  think  as  well  of  you  as  before,  if 
some  of  you  be  not  soon  "up  and  at"  this 
monster. 

The  language  towards  the  close  of  his 
third  chapter  may  suit  orgies  enacted  I 
know  not  where,  under  the  cover  of 
'  night,  and  I  can  only  wonder  how  he 
dared  to  use  it.  It  is  indescribable,  ex- 
cept by  terms  as'disgusting  as  his.      But 


WALTZ    WE    WILL. 


53 


what  is  remarkable,  it  is  "an  indecent 
assault  upon  common  sense,"  even  more 
than  upon  society  and  its  festivities. 

Waltz  we  will!  .  And  every  woman 
that  possesses  a  remnant  of  spirit  and 
courage  will  now  waltz  more  than  ever 
en  depit  of  this  "  Dance;"  so  that  its  author 
may  just  as  well 

'*  hold  his  idle  wrath, 

While  the  waltz  silvers  o'er  his  gloomy  path." 


niriVBRSITT] 


CHAPTER    IV. 

En   "  Cceco  carpimur  igni  "  ! 

Virgil  (slightly  altered.) 

o  write  in  fitting  terms  of  this 
fourth  chapter,  of  its  audacious 
and  libidinous  coloring,  and  of 
its  still  more  audacious  and  false 
assertions  regarding  our  sex, — against 
whom  the  magician  now  waves  his 
beast- transforming  wand, — might  tempt 
any  one,  in  a  reply,  to  violate  the  canons 
of  good  taste.  I  shall  not,  however,  do 
so,  even  though  my  cheeks  burn  while  I 
write  for  my  readers  the  question  he  now 
states  for  discussion,  viz:  Is  woman  the 
conscious  or  unconscious  sharer  of  her 
partners  impure  thoughts  in  the  Waltz? 


A    DARK    PROBLEM.  55 

This  is  the  substance,  the  letter  I  cannot 
give.  The  subject,  you  see,  my  sisters ^ 
shifts,  without  growing  any  better,  from 
the  motions  of  our  bodies  to  those  of  our 
minds.  See  what  second-sight  and  mo- 
rality, combined,  can  do!  But  tremble! 
for  all  our  secrets  are  out.  A  metaphy- 
sician, whose  acumen  even  Maimonides 
might  envy,  has  dissected  our  very  souls. 
Unhappy  that  we  are!  The  solution  of 
this  profound  problem  is  all  against  us; 
we  are  found  guilty,  and  can  only  admire 
the  acute  reasoning  by  which  the  discovery 
was  made.  It  hinges  upon  an  assertion; 
and  what  is  the  assertion? — Risum  ten- 
eatis  amici? — Only  that  any  woman,  who 
does  not  "  dance  divinely,"  that  is  wan- 
tonly, is  accounted  a  "  scrub "  by  the 
*'  male  experts;"  and  that  to  d9  so,  she 
must  reciprocate  the  feelings  of  her  part- 
ner. Could  Aristotle  himself  put  up  a 
sylogistic  circle  more  perplexing  than 
this  ?     The  divine  impulse,  observe,  that 


56  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

transforms  us  into  full-blown  and  desir- 
able "  experts "  comes  from  the  man  ! 
What  modesty  and  self-depreciation,  to 
be  sure  !  Was  ever  before  such  insolence 
put  on  paper  ?  Unless  we  are  ''experts," 
we  shall  not  be  asked  by  the  accomp- 
lished roues  to  dance  the  "  after-supper 
Glide  ! !"  What  a  dreadful  penalty!  What 
a  convincing  proof  that  the  deep  dam- 
nation of  consciousness  is  in  our  souls ! 
But  the  Rev.  W.  C.  Wilkinson,  who 
wrote  a  pamphlet,  T/ie  Dance  of  Modern 
Society,  believes  the  same  thing,  ergo, 
etc ;  the  latter  s  opinion  being  based  on 
the  stray  conversation  of  two  prigs  in  a  rail- 
way car,  who  would  not  give  a  straw  to 

dance   with    Mrs.  ,   because    "  you 

can't  excite  any  more  passion  in  her  than 
you  can  in  a  stick  of  wood."  There  are 
many  men,  no  doubt,  who  do  not  care  to 
make  the  acquaintance  of  any  woman 
who  would  be  likely  to  keep  their  be- 
havior within  the  strict  bounds  of  pro- 
priety. 


THE    TWIN    ''DANCES.  57 

We  all  know  about  what  young  men  of 
the  *'fine animal"  stamp  would  speak  after 
a  soiree.  One  does  not  gather  grapes  from 
brambles,  or  figs  from  thistles.  Besides, 
the  opinions  of  Christian  clergymen  £>n 
the  practical  affairs  of  life,  are  often 
vitiated  by  the  gloominess  of  their  re- 
ligion. They  may  be,  and  generally  are 
very  estimable  men,  but  they  prefer 
to  find  their  philosophy  by  "  setting 
their  feet  on  graves,"  instead  of  "  hear- 
mg  what  wine  and  roses  say."  Tke 
Dance  of  Modern  Society  and  The  Dance 
of  Death  seem  twins,  as  far  as  popgun 
logic  is  concerned,  if  the  extract  given 
be  a  fair  sample.  I  presume  they  might 
as  well  waltz  off  together. 

The  author  introduces  a  friend — let 
the /^<?«/ ** London  correspondent"  note 
that  he  is  not  merely  an  acquaintance — 
in  this  chapter  ;  but  such  a  friend  !  One 
who  has  gained  a  knowledge  of  the  waltz 
from  cellar-girls,  and  has  practiced  with 


58  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

them  tricks  which  he  dares  to  repeat 
upon  respectable  zvomen  I  What  weight 
can  the  mere  assertions  of  a  man  of  this 
character  have  ?  It  is  my  firm  belief 
that  no  one  needs  any  further  initiation 
into  the  mysteries  of  "handhng,"  as  Httle 
as  does  our  author ;  and  he  can  sustain 
but  Httle  loss,  should  his  friend  break  his 
promise  ''to  show  him  round"  through 
the  dens.  But  it  was  most  needless  to 
tell  us  that  he  was  ready  to  go,  if  he 
kept  it.     The  led  might  be  the  leader. 

On  pages  59  and  60,  we  have  some- 
thing that  equals  anything  in  the 
book  for  absurdity  and  obscenity.  A 
great  favorite  of  the  ball-room  is  repre- 
sented as  dancing  with  a  young  and 
beautiful  lady  in  a  manner  to  cause  her 
to  fall  almost  to  the  ground  from  excite- 
ment; and,  upon  being  questioned  how 
he  managed  this,  to  declare  that  he 
learned  and  practiced  the  method  of 
**  handling "    in    the    aforesaid    "  dance- 


BLACK    IS    WHITE.  59 

cellars,"  among  the  girls  there  who  were 
"  posted  and  " — the  rest  is  unquotable. 
We  then  get  the  ludicrous  statement  that 
his  partner  had  not  a  single  stain  upon 
her  reputation,  but  she  took  great  inter- 
est in  Sunday-schools,  etc.,  and  was  the 
greatest  catch  in  the  matrimonial  market; 
winding  up  the  chapter  with  an  expres- 
sion in  reference  to  her,  that  in  any 
country  (California,  I  hope,  not,  ex- 
cluded) should  forever  consign  him  to  the 
social  death  of  the  leper.  The  contempt 
with  which  young  women  are  spoken  of, 
as  being,  with  "judicious  handling,"  the 
most  "  plastic  material "  in  the  hands  of 
the  roue,  though  flowing  apparently  from 
an  "exact  report,"  is  evidently  the  author's 
own  as  well — the  hoof  that  would  tread 
us  down  being  too  manifest  everywhere 
in  the  glibness  of  the  slang. 

The  responsibility  of  the  statements 
and  positions  taken,  is  sought  to  be  evaded 
with  some  subtlety  of  literary  art.     The 


6o  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

language  is,  indeed,  vivid  and  vascular 
enough  to  bleed,  could  we  cut  it;  yet  it 
would  yield  us  naught  but  the  red  blood 
of  human  passion,  and  not  a  drop  of  the 
pale  ichor  of  the  celestial  censor,  who, 
writhing  under  a  sense  of  duty,  makes 
himself  a  martyr  for  our  good  ! 


CHAPTER   V. 


Lives  there  a  woman  with  soul  so  dead  ? 
Who  ever  to  strange  man  hath  said, 
Read  thou  my  soul  for  public  aid  ! 

Where  lives  the  man  who  hath  not  spied 
How  slander  does  to  lying  glide, 
And  lying  to  detection  ? 

J,  H.  Carey. 

HE  answer  to  the  contents  of 
the  fifth  chapter  of  the  "Dance 
of  Death"  is  simply  given  in 
the  above  not  very<:lassical,  but 
true,  parody;  which  means  to  say,  that 
the  said  chapter  is  a  fabrication  from 
first  to  last.  This  assertion  may  aston- 
ish some  of  the  credulous  of  the  other 
sex,  who  have  aired  their  morality  in 
the  eulogistic    notices  appended  to  the 


62  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

*' Dance."  What  a  broad  grin  at  their 
expense  these  persons  could  see  be- 
neath the  author's  sleeve,  if  they  could 
get  a  peep.  Few  of  my  sex  believe 
this  fabrication,  I  am  certain.  How  can 
people  be  so  blind  as  not  to  detect  the 
horrors  lurking  beneath  the  glittering 
moral v^i\  of  this  gvmnmg  prophet,  whose 
book,  nolens  volens,  must  operate  like  a 
pestilence?  After  reiterating  the  foul 
slander  of  the  preceding  chapter  against 
us,  the  women,  in  particular,  and  telling 
his  readers  to  watch,  as  a  proof  of  his 
conclusions,  the  ''contortions''  of  body 
and  limb  that  the  perfectly  graceful 
dancers  exhibit  ''at  their  sport,"  Mr.  H. 
announces  that  he  obtained,  on  applica- 
tion, from  one  of  the  ''most  eminent  and 
renowned  women  of  America,"  her  opin- 
ion on  this  bugbear  of  the  Waltz. 

Now,  gentle  and  ungentle  perusers  of 
the  "  Dance,"  is  there  one  of  you  who  can 
swallow  the  enormity  of  a  great,  eminent 


CREDAT  JUDiEUS  APELLA.      63 

and  refined  woman  not  only  making  con- 
fessions to  an  utter  stranger  that  put  to 
the  blush  even  those  of  Jean  Jacques 
Rousseau,  but  "generously  offering  him 
the  use  of  her  name"  to  substantiate 
them!  Of  course,  he  thankfully  availed 
himself  of  the  privilege?  Not  a  bit  of  it. 
His  greater  generosity  to  his  self-sacri- 
ficing correspondent  would  not  permit 
this.  He  had  to  protect  from  "the  fiery 
ordeal  of  criticism"  a  lady  who  was  her- 
self perfectly  indifferent  to  its  effect ! 
He  did  not  think,  perhaps,  at  the  time,  of 
the  "fiery  ordeal"  to  which  the  absence  of 
her  name  would  subject  his  book.  We 
are  thirsting,  like  Mrs.  Sherman,  to  know 
the  name  of  the  woman,  "renowned  and 
refined,"  who  "wears  her  heart  upon  her 
sleeve  for  daws  to  peck  at."  This  ideal 
woman  ^confesses  with  pale  shame  that  it 
Avas  "the  physical  emotions  engendered 
by  the  magnetic  contact  of  strong  men," 
of  which  she  was  enamored,  not  of  the 


64  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

Waltz,  nor  even  of  the  dancers;  that  she 
thus  "became  abnormally  developed  in 
her  lowest  nature";  winding  up  four 
pages  or  so  of  like  repulsive  rubbish  tall 
in  the  author  s  style)  by  thanking  God 
that  she  is  ''married  now,  with  home  and 
children"  around  her,  and  so  can,  with 
safety, 

"  Think  of  the  passion   thar  shook  her  youth, 
Of  its  aimless  loves  and  its  idle  pains, 
And  be  thankful  now  for  the  certain  truth 
That  only  the  sweet  remains." 

Now,  after  this  ''round"  rejoinder  to 
the  experiences  of  a  "sweet  girl  gradu- 
ate," we  trust  that  when  the  author  gives 
again  free  rein  to  his  imagination  (from 
which  Heaven  defend  us!)  he  will  show 
a  little  respect  for  the  common  sense  of 
the  community,  and  not  let  "everything 
go  loose." 

If  we  be  not  greatly  mistaken,  the 
letter,  in  the  extracts,  from  "a  lady  well 
known  in  social  and  literary  circles  in 


EXPERIMENTING    EXTRAORDINARY.     65 

San  Francisco,"  belongs  to  the  same 
category  as  that  we  have  just  criticised. 
My  opinion  is — again  from  the  internal 
evidence — that  it  is  another  pious  fraud, 
another  evil  done  that  good  may  come. 
But  the  statement,  in  the  ''Letters  and 
Extracts,"  that  the  lady  principal  of  one 
of  ''the  chief  female  seminaries  on  the 
Pacific  slope"  has  begun  to  read  this 
"Dance  of  Death,"  "chapter  and  verse" 
— a  new  Bible — to  her  class,  proves,  at 
all  events,  if  true,  how  justifiable  is  the 
the  author's  mountain-moving  faith  in 
American  credulity. 

What  a  psychological  study,  though  a 
painful  one,  it  would  be,  to  watch  the 
various  effects  of  the  operation  as  mir- 
rored in  the  faces  of  the  young  critics! 
What  tittering,  blushing  and  amazement 
we  should  see,  as  the  eccentric  reader 
proceeded!  And  what  debates  after- 
wards, under  academic  trees,  on  the 
grave  and   important  question  whether 


66  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

the  author  of  the  ''Dance"  really  mea7it 
it  or  not;  whether  he  be  a  saint,  a  sin- 
ner, or  merely  a  quiz !  Can  such  an  acad- 
emy, unlike  the  myths  in  every  chap- 
ter, have  a  local  existence  and  a  name  ? 
We  are  inclined  to  think  it  may,  since  we 
get  five  or  six  lines  of  nauseating  namby- 
pambyism  in  the  shape  of  a  letter  from 
one  Di-o  Lewis  (he  might  as  well  die  if 
he  wrote  it),  advising  the  "dear  madam" 
(the  lady  principal  of  the  school)  to  read 
that  volume  to  her  young  ladies,  as  it 
would  ''do  great  good  "  !!!  Were  I  any- 
where but  in  America,  I  should  un- 
doubtedly treat  the  whole  narrative  as  a 
satirical  hoax. 

Whatever  are  we  coming  to  ?  Several 
societies  for  the  protection  of  animals,  of 
mosquitos  even,  but  none  for  those  who 
are  to  be  the  mothers  of  the  coming  race! 
The  city  has  lately  been  quite  exercised 
to  hold  in  check  the  evils,  material  and 
moral,   surging    from   the   heads  of  the 


swallTows  the  camel.  67 

hydra,  hoodlumism,  that  curse  of  our  new 
State, — while  it  not  only  placidly  permits, 
but  approves  through  pulpit  and  press, 
of  an  evil  compared  to  which  the  other, 
in  all  its  forms,  is  a  blessing.  For 
shame,  Americans  !  Vindicate  your- 
selves and  your  well-deserved  character 
for  chivalry  and  fair  dealing  towards  us, 
by  execrating  this  ''Dance  of  Death." 
Whatever  may  be  the  Waltz,  the  book 
is  certainly  death  to  all  the  interests 
you  should  protect.  And  those  who  are 
scattering  it  through  this  community, 
should  be  at  once  restrained  and  pun- 
ished, as  far  as  our  present  laws  permit. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

'*Men  who  can  boast  of  deeds  so  foul,  and  in  vice  excel, 
Are  not  of  woman  born,  but  spawned,  of  Hell.'''' 

HAT  the  author's  conclusions 
respecting  the  waltz,  may  not 
be  thought  to  apply  to  any 
period  of  life,  I  must  state  that 
my  girlhood  reminiscenses  of  dancing 
in  general  are  of  the  most  pleasing 
character.  I  see  them  now,  like  specks, 
in  the  receding  horizon  of  my  youth, — 
specks,  shining  indeed  with  the  dewy 
tints  of  life's  morning,  but  casting  no 
shadow.  For  in  those  days  there  were 
no  perplexing  prohibitions  from  a  "  Dance 
of  Death"  regarding  any  j^articular  variety 
in  the  charming  garden  of  the  hop.     We 


EVE    AND    THE    SERPENT.  69 

culled  from  every  tree  with  all  the  zest 
of  innoceflce  and  youth.  We  took  no 
harm,  strange  to  say,  till  this  friendly  (?) 
serpent  opened  our  eyes  by  his  new 
Apocalypse,  to  the  knowledge  of  the  tree 
of — not  mixed  but — pure  evil.  Alas  !  if 
we  were  not  goddesses  before,  we  cannot 
say  that  his  book  has  made  or  will  make 
us  so.  It  would  now  seem  more  neces- 
sary than  before  to  keep  from  the  ball- 
room, young  girls  under  eighteen,  who 
may  not  have  acquired  tone  and  self- 
control  to  defend  themselves  against  any 
impure  language  of  "pressing  and  squeez- 
ing" that  may  be  addressed  to  them  by 
elegant  experimenters  and  novices  in  the 
new  theory  of  the  "  Dance."  When 
older,  they  may  treat*  the  hand-squeezers 
at  least — if  not  ^oo  fierce — somewhat  in 
the  style  Carlyle  did  the  Scotch  peasant 
who  travelled  a  long  way  just  to  see  the 
world-renowned  sage :  "  Tak  a  gude  look, 
my   maun,"  said  the  old  cynic,  **tak  a 


70  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

gude  look ;  it  will  do  me  no  harm  and 
you  no  gude." 

We  shall  have  henceforth  to  interpret 
on  a  new  plane  the  monitory  tales  of  our 
childhood  about  Blue  Beard,  Red  Riding- 
hood,  and  the  nursery  ditty  of  the  spider 
and  the  fly.  We  prefer  to  remain  the 
"  veriest  gawk ''  of  the  ball-room  rather 
than  be  initiated  by  any  of  Mr.  H's  en- 
thusiastic friends  into  the  mysteries  of 
Erebus. 

Let  him  not  imagine  either  that  we 
can  be  deceived  by  the  magnificent  gey- 
sers of  indignation  in  our  behalf,  which, 
at  suitable  intervals,  he  spouts  up.  Too 
transparent  altogether  for  us,  however 
they  may  mollify  or  deceive  some  of  our 
public  sentinels  of  the  pulpit  and  the 
press.  . 

The  sixth  chapter  of  this  "  Dance  "  is 
texted  with  a  quotation  from  an  old 
French  writer  against  the  absurdity  of 
some  execrable  style  of  dancing  adopted 


COMPARISONS    MOST    ODIOUS.  7 1 

in  his  day  by  women  of  the  lowest  class, 
and  has  of  course  nothing  really  to  do 
with  the  subject  in  hand.  The  transla- 
tion of  a  single  line  will  show  my  readers 
this:  "Of  what  use  are  all  those  leaps 
(saults)  which  these  wenches  {ces  filles) 
make,  sustained  under  the  arms  by  their 
partners  so  that  they  can  leap  higher  ?" 
In  the  first  place,  we  do  not  make  use  of 
saults, — that  is  of  jumps,  bounds,  in  our 
waltz  ;  the  latter  is  a  quiet,  respectable 
turning  without  any  exposure  or  impro- 
priety whatever.  In  the  second  place 
the  words,  ces  filles,  show  the  class  of 
which  he  writes.  These  filles  are  the 
dancers  in  the  low  saloons  where  revels 
are  kept  up  all  night,  increasing  in  excite- 
ment to  the  close.  So  all- this  display  of 
antique  lore  is  quite  out  of  place,  in  the 
simple  region  of  logic  and  application. 
Writers  like  Vives  do  not  point  to  us. 

Reiterating  his    ''practical  experience 
and  positive  knowledge  "  of  the  abomina- 


72  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

tlons  of  the  waltz  (which  to  him  we  must 
presume  are  real),  the  author  goes  on  to 
say  that  he  is  proud  that  the  placard  an- 
nouncing a  *' Sunday  school  festival,  danc- 
ing to  commence  at  nine  o'clock/'  (he 
leaves  out  the  a.  m.)  "does  not  reflect 
the  sentiments  of  the  entij^e  community." 
Of  course  not !  Because  a  few  hundred 
bigots,  ever  rolling  their  eyes  to  heaven 
in  pious  horror  at  what  they  construe  a 
desecration  of  the  Sabbath,  and  who,  if 
they  could,  would  stop  the  birds  from 
singing  on  a  Sunday, — must  be  counted 
out!  But  just  see  what  percentage  of 
the  moral,  conservative,  orderly,  and  yet 
picnic-and-dance-loving  Germans  will  be 
found  to  vote  with  our  author.  Neither  is 
it  in  ''  the  marts  of  business  and  avenues 
of  trade" — spheres  always  fatal  to  Utopian 
theories  and  rabid  fanaticism — that  he 
would  find  advocates  for  the  discontinu- 
ance of  dancing.  Not  at  all.  These 
classes  have  none  of  the  morbid  fancies 


GREECE    AGAINST    FRANKFORT.  73 

entertained  by  reformed,  soured,  or  con- 
firmed "  rakes." 

The  Frankfort  authorities,  we  are  next 
told,  decided,  in  the  interest  of  good 
morals,  that  children  who  had  not  been 
confirmed  (under  thirteen  I  suppose) 
were  not  to  be  taught  dancing,  and  that 
it  was  forbidden  in  the  hotels,  etc. 

Well,  what  of  this  ?  Does  he  think 
that  if  there  were  any  argument  in  this 
we  could  not  find  plenty  of  offsets  ?  Is 
not  Aristotle  at  least  as  good  a  moral- 
ist as  the  Frankfort  people,  and  he  ranks 
dancing  with  poetry,  one  of  the  most  re- 
fining arts  ?  And  did  not  the  strict  and 
chaste  Spartans  oblige  parents  to  exer- 
cise their  children  in  dancing  from  the 
age  of  five  years.  But  the  book. is  full 
of  flimsy  paper-balls  like  this. 

Page  78  of  the  "  Dance "  is  simply 
hideous.  The  gist  of  it  is  this,  that 
those  ladies  who  remain  insensible  to 
what  this  author  calls  "palming  work," 


74  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

or,  In  other  words,  those  whose  native 
purity  of  mind  protects  them  from  the 
assaults  of  the  "  fine  animals,"  are  not  fit 
for  marriage,  and  could  not  secure  a  hus- 
band's affections ;  while,  on  the  other 
hand,  those  who  are  sensible  will  be  used 
up  before  they  "  reach  the  altar !"  And 
all  this  raving  of  a  diseased  brain  ad- 
dressed as  an  advice  to  us  In  an  inso- 
lently familiar  and  patronizing  manner, 
calling  the  **  intoxication "  of  impure 
thoughts  "  true  bliss  //" 

I  only  wish  that  the  objection  made  by 
the  fair  dancer  to  his  conclusions,  viz  : 
that  no  lady  will  allow  herself  to  be  In- 
troduced to,  or  accept  as  a  partner  In  the 
dance,  anyone  not  a  gentleman,  were  gen- 
erally true  In  fact  as  well  as  in  theory. 
It  is  much  less  so  unfortunately  In  this 
the  New  World  than  in  the  Old.  But,  in 
reply  to  his  rejoinder,  that  an  outward 
gentleman  may  be  only  a  "  desperate 
rou6  at  heart,"  I   have  only  to  say  that 


HERMAN  S    RIBBON-DEVICE,  75 

any  lady  will  find  out  that  fact  long  be- 
fore she  can  take  the  least  harm  from 
his  conduct,  and  will  act  accordingly. 

As  to  the  selection  of  partners,  where 
it  is  seldom  or  never  the  woman's  privi- 
lege to  ask,  it  ought  always  to  be  hers  to 
refuse,  especially  in  large  and  mixed 
assemblies,  and  the  sooner  that  ingenious 
device  of  the  ribbon  (a  foreign  importation, 
known  to  few  but  the  Herman  family,  per- 
haps) is  sent  back  to  its  mother  country 
the  better.  If  ever-  there  be  a  necessity 
for  a  directory  of  obscene  literature  and 
customs,  the  author  undoubtedly  should 
be  both  editor  and  publisher.  He  has 
'*  worked  up  to  it,"  as  Walpole  said  of 
the  Premiership,  and  "should  have  the 
place." 

In  his  whirl  of  paradox  and  contor- 
tion, piling  Pelion  upon  Ossa,  to  frighten 
us  from  the  happy  hunting-grounds  of 
the  "fine  animals,"  this  author  seems, 
like  his  lady  of  the  waltz,  to  "lose  his 


76  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

senses  entirely."  It  is  we,  indeed,  who 
should  exclaim,  "  Speramus  7neliora  ;  one 
of  the  best  of  those  better  things  being 
the  removal  from  our  society,  and  from 
all  avenues  to  it,  of  the  ''ghastly  moral 
lepers"  (if  any  can  be  found  besides  the 
author)  which  he  asserts  it  contains. 
Some  solitary  rock  might  be  set  apart  for 
them  on  the  glacial  coast  of  Alaska  ;  for 
the  climate  of  the  Sandwich  Islands 
would  be  evidently  quite  unsuited  to 
their  disease. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

Let  the  doors  be  shut  upon  him, 
That  he  may  play  the  fool 
Nowhere  but  in  his  own  house. 


-Shakespeare. 


ow  many  of  his  sex,  I  wonder, 
would  the  author  find  to  assent 
to  the  answer  he  makes  to  his 
lady  friend's  question  at  the 
opening  of  the  seventh  chapter  of  the 
**  Dance."  ''  How  is  it  that  so  many  of 
you  gentlemen  are  fond  of  dancing  till 
you  are  married,  and  then  few  of  you  can 
be  induced  to  dance  any  more  ?  "  The 
answer  to  this  profound  problem  being 
none  of  my  business,  I  ought,  perhaps, 
to  let  the  men  fight  over  it ;  still  the  one 


78  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

given  by  Mr,  H.  is  so  supremely  ridicu- 
lous, viz  : — "  the  privileges  of  matrimony 
relieve  the  7iecessity  for  the  dance  "/  that 
I  am  induced  for  once,  to  battle  for  them. 

Young  married  men  may  be  divided 
into  two  classes;  those  who  are  in  busi- 
ness and  those  who  are  out ;  those  who 
have  much  worldly  care  and  responsibil- 
ity, and  those  who  have  but  little.  The 
latter  are  of  course  in  the  minority — in 
many  places  in  a  large  minority.  And 
as  to  these  I  should  be  tempted  to  reply 
to  this  question,  pretty  much  as  the  phil- 
osopher at  King  Charles'  court  did  to  one 
equally  silly. 

The  king,  wishing  to  have  some  sport 
with  the  wise-acres  of  his  courtiers,  asked 
if  any  of  them  could  explain  how  it  was 
that  a  fish-bowl  with  water,  weighed  as 
much  without  the  fish  as  with  them.  The 
explanations  were  all  highly  scientific, 
but  equally  unsatisfactory,  till  the  laugh- 
ing king  turned  to  a  silent  philosopher, 


FIREWORKS    MOST    HARMLESS.  79 

and  asked  his  opinion.  His  reply  was  : 
"Is  your  majesty's  statement  a  fact } 
Please  let  me  see  the  bowl  in  the  scales." 
And  so  I  think  on  investigation  it  will 
be  found  that  young  married  men  of  the 
second  class  do  not  discontinue  dancing. 
And  as  to  the  first  class,  I  presume  they 
would  all  tell  the  author  that  the  cares  of 
married  life,  and  the  endeavor  to  meet  by 
greater  gains  the  heavy  expense -that  our 
extravagance,  but  too  often,  in  dress  and 
wants  entails,  leave  them  in  a  frame  of 
mind  and  body  very  unsuitable  for  the 
ball-room. 

The  author  now  manufactures  out  of 
a  novel  called  "  Gunnar,"  three  and  a 
half  pages  of  most  harmless  though  not 
innocent  fireworks,  which  he  hopes  the 
public  will  take  for  solid  shot  against  this 
Satanic  fortress,  the  Waltz.  Ragnhild, 
we  are  told,  was  to  wed  Lars,  *'  under  the 
pressure  of  parental  authority  ;  "  but  she 
loved  Gunnar,  and  preferred,  as  would 

>^  Ot  THB     ^<^^ 


8o  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

any  true  hearted  woman,  to  dance  with 
him,  forgetting  in  so  doing,  everything 
besides.  And  because  afterwards  a  knife 
gleamed  in  the  hands  of  Lars,  stung  with 
natural  jealousy — and  because  Miss  R. 
ran  off  finally  with  her  lover,  leaving  a 
detested  suitor  out  in  the  cold,  the  whirl 
of  the  dance  was  to  bla^ne  I  Not  a  word, 
*'  even  remotely,"  about  the  folly  and  sin 
of  intriguing  parents  forcing  their  chil- 
dren into  hated  marriages — a  cause  of 
misery  and  crime  the  most  fruitful,  and 
one  which  our  author  might  have  well 
selected  upon  which  to  blunt  his  lance, 
instead  of  running  his  Quixotic  tilt 
against  the  waltz.  And  all  this  inference, 
even  if  well  drawn,  not  from  a  fact,  but  a 
fiction !  Were  illustrations  from  real  life, 
that  "  blood  is  upon  the  skirts  "  of  Terp- 
sichore, so  lacking  that  he  had  to  fall  back 
upon  romance  ?  And  could  "  any  man 
possessing  a  grain  of  common  sense," 
think  that  Lars  drew  the  knife  because  he 


THAT    HUSBAND    OF    MINE.  8 1 

"plainly  understood  the  nature  of  the 
performance  in  which  his  intended  had 
been  engaged  ? "  For  what  does  the 
author  take  his  readers  ? 

Lead  us  not  into  hallucination, 

But  deliver  us  from  sophistry,  O  Lord. 

Who  can  blame  the  "semi-respecta- 
ble "  woman  for  wishing  to  escape  in  the 
ball-room,  the  ennui  of  a  grumbling,  un- 
amiable  husband,  in  the  pigeon  holes  of 
whose  dull  cranium  there  is  naught  but 
jealousy  ?  Of  course  **  she  takes  him 
along,"  thus  escaping  the  misery  of  her 
own  thoughts,  and  of  his — if  he  has  any. 
And  if  the  ball-room  or  the  waltz  did 
prove  the  immediate  cause  of  a  divorce 
from  a  husband  such  as  the  author — a 
divorce  that  any  Court  in  the  land  would 
grant  her — she  may  well  count  either  a 
blessing  as  well  as  a  pleasure. 

As  to  the  other  totally  untrammeled 
goddess,  whose  perfections,  for  some  in- 
scrutable reason  our  author  cannot  des- 


82  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

cribe,  she  seems  to  belong  to  that  branch 
of  the  free-love  school  which  is  not  strong 
minded,  but  frivolous.  Suppose  the 
dance  did  not  exist  in  any  form,  would 
there  be  less  of  those  women,  who  find 
it  much  more  pleasant  "  to  cleave  to  all 
others  "  and  let  the  husband  alone  ? 

As  a  rule  it  will  be  found,  I  think, 
that  a  man  who  could  choose  such  a  wife 
ought  to  be  left  alone.  The  dance  never 
spoils  a  good  woman,  never  weans  her 
from  husband  and  home,  though  it  may 
sometimes  afford  an  outlet  for  the  follies 
of  a  bad  one. 


CHAPTER    VIII. 


lUic  Priapum  pone, 
Hippolitum  nunquam  erit. 

—J.   H.   Carey. 

N  the  last  chapters  of  this  book 
under  review  we  have  scarcely 
any  thing  but  a  repetition,  more 
emphasized  if  possible,  of  the 
falsehoods  and  absurdities  in  the  preced- 
ing ones.  The  author  would  fortify  him- 
self with  authorities,  ancient  if  not  mod- 
ern, against  the  dance.  And  here  let 
me  observe  that,  although  he  set  out  by 
cautioning  us,  even  in  a  foot-note,  not  to 
"  wilfully  construe  "  his  "  dancers  "  in 
any  other  sense  than  waltzers — and  con- 
sequently dance  in  the  sense  of  waltz — 


84  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

he  himself  wilfully  quotes  and  ilhistrates 
from  mkny  old  writers,  who  speak  in  gen- 
eral against  all  dancing,  and  not  merely 
against  the  waltz,  which,  as  he  says,  did 
not  exist  in  their  day.  Either  he  ap- 
proves of  dancing  or  he  does  not.  If 
he  does,  why  cite  opinions  that  refer  to 
any  and  all  dancing  ?  Are  they  given 
by  way  of  an  a  fortiori  argument  against 
the  waltz  ?  And  if  he  does  not,  why  is 
he  afraid  to  say  so  ?  Why  lead  people 
ab  initio  to  suppose,  by  the  caution  re- 
ferred to,  that  he  does  not  disapprove 
of  dancing,  but  merely  of  ''the  round 
dances," 

Is  it  on  the  Napoleonic  principle  of 
concentrating  his  force  upon  a  key-posi- 
tion of  the  enemy's  before  making  a 
general  assault  ?  Does  he  wait  to  see 
what  may  be  the  result  of  the  special 
effort  before  inflicting  a  grand  cannon- 
ade with  the  same  mephitic  powder  ?  As 
far  as  authority  is  concerned,  his  cause 


CAP    FITS    NOT.  85 

must  be  a  weak  one  indeed  when  he  has 
to  draw  for  support  upon  the  Church  of 
Geneva,  three  centuries  ago,  and  upon  a 
certain  worthy  St.  Aldegonde  of  1577, 
to  whom  no  doubt 

"  Hio  haircloth  und  his  bloody  whips  *' 

were  far  better  known  and  more  agree- 
able than 

"Shining  eyes  and  smiling  lips." 

And  as  to  any  weighty  modern  au- 
thorities against  dancing,  I  see  none 
in  the  text  of  this  book,  except  that  of 
Gail  Hamilton,  whose  words  (if  not  an- 
other fabrication),  evidently  refer  to  some 
vulgarities  of  quite  recent  introduction, 
in  which,  as  I  said  before,  no  lady  would 
indulge.  What  ''pose  of  the  parties  " 
in  the  true  German  dance  "  suggests  im- 
purity," we  should  like  to  know  ?  And 
so,  by  giving  a  general  application  to 
half-quoted  passages  on  special  subjects, 
he  hopes   to   impose  authority  upon  us. 


86  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

In  the  very  next  paragraph  he  lets  out 
that  he  refers  to  something  altogether 
new  :  "two  forward  and  two  backward 
movements,  then  sideways  with  a  whirl," 
has  nothing  at  all  to  do  with  the  waltz 
proper,  and  Mr.  H.,  with  his  "  charming 
young  lady  just  arrived  from  abroad," 
can  have  of  all  such  fandangoes,  as  far 
as  we  ladies  are  concerned,  a  perpetual 
royalty. 

But  indeed  nearly  every  paragraph  in 
these  last  chapters,  contains  either  some 
false  assertion  or  some  squibby  and 
far-fetched  analogy  against  dancing  in 
general.  '*  The  young  people  of  the 
North,"  according  to  Claus  Magnus 
*'  dance  among  naked  sword  -  blades 
scattered  on  the  ground,"  in  which^ 
using  the  author's  exegetical  specs,  we 
can  see  the  ''  far  deadlier  dangers  "  to 
which  our  young  are  exposed  !  Follow- 
ing this  cue,  a  city  paper,  a  few  days 
ago,  after  telling  us  that  two  little  girls 


HERMAN    IN    A    NEW    ROLE.  87 

waltzed  off  the  roof  of  a  house  in  New 
York  to  the  pavement  below,  a  distance 
of  five  and  a  half  stories,  and  that  one 
was  killed,  moralizes  :  *'  This  is  not  the 
first  little  girl  who  has  waltzed  herself 
into  eternity " — Specimen  bud  of  the 
first-fruits  of  the  "  Dance." 

Again,  on  page  loi  we  read  :  "  One 
of  our  ablest  writers  says  it  is  a  war  on 
home,  on  physical  health,"  etc.  Why 
does  not  the  author  tell  us  who  this  able 
writer  is  ?  We  grow  more  and  more  sus- 
picious of  those  anonymous  authorities, 
his  imagination  being  evidently  so  fervid 
and  even  creative.  And  what  is  "  it ''? 
We  must  take  the  writer's  subject  on  trust 
also  from  the  author's  application.  All 
very  satisfactory  to  him,  no  doubt ! 

On  page  io6,  Mr.  Herman  himself, 
this  time  playing  physiologist,  tells  us 
that  woman  is  the  greater  sufferer,  phys- 
ically, from  the  baneful  effects  of  the  waltz; 
as  what  is  only  "  hurtful  indulgence  "  for 


88  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

a  man  is  fatal  excess  for  a  woman  !  But 
where  did  he  learn  this  ?  He  would  find 
eminent  medical  authority  adverse  to  him 
on  this  point.  And  she  is  a  greater  loser 
morally  also,  we  are  told,  because  she 
loses  that,  without  which  her  grace  and 
beauty  are  but  a  curse — "man's  respect !" 
It  is  amazing,  my  sisters,  how  much 
arrogance  and  self-conceit  this  author, 
stuffed  with  conventional  ideas,  can  man- 
age to  throw  into  a  paragraph.  Even 
when  not  united  to  moral  worth,  to 
whom,  I  ask,  are  woman's  grace  and 
beauty  a  curse  ?  To  herself  or  to  man  ? 
Let  history  answer.  Have  not  these 
•her  weapons — like  all  given  by  the  Su- 
preme to  his  creatures  for  their  defence 
and  support — ever  proved  wholly  effi- 
cient and  irresistible  ?  What  became  of 
the  work  of  Confucius,  the  great  moral 
reformer,  when  his  enemies  brought  from 
Tibet  eighty  dancing  and  singing  houries 
to  counteract,  by  their  wiles  and  capers, 


POOR    WOMAN    ALWAYS    WRONG.        89 

the  influence  of  his  wholesome  though 
rather  ascetic  doctrines  at  the  China 
Court  ?  He  was  now  forced  to  flee  to 
the  wilderness.  Grace  and  beauty  were 
masters  of  the  field  to  the  detriment  of 
man.  It  is  fated  that  he  shall  ever  be 
the  slave  of  Beauty,  be  she  "blest  or 
unblest." 

Her  dangerous  glances 

Make  women  of  men  j 
New-born  we  are  melting 

Into  nature  again. 

Man  s  respect,  indeed  !  We  may  set 
some  little  value  on  it,  perhaps,  when 
those  ''magnificent  animals"  themselves 
become  commonly  respectable ! 

In  the  next  paragraph  we  are  told 
"  her  punishment — the  ad  valorem  in- 
crease, I  suppose — is  just,  her  fault  be- 
ing more  inexcusable  than  his !"  An- 
other of  the  million  applications  of  that 
chivalrous  tale  by  chivalrous  man,  of 
Adam  and  the  apple !  But  why  is  this 
so?     Hear  the  reasoning  of  this  casuist : 


90  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

Because  "  woman  is  the  natural  and  ac- 
knowledged custodian  of  morals.  It  is 
she  who  fixes  the  standard  of  modesty — 
she  draws  the  lines  limiting  the  boundary 
of  masculine  approach  and  of  feminine 
concession."  "To  a  certain  extent,"  he 
proceeds,  "  man  may  blaTnelessly  (Proh 
pudor!)  accept  whatever  privileges  she 
is  pleased  to  accord  him !  "  If  I  did 
not  fear  to  put  the  author's  modesty  to 
the  blush,  I  would  beg  of  him  to  be  a  little 
more  explicit  as  to  the  '' extent T  I 
would  ask  him,  should  his  sex  be  blamed 
or  not  for  "striking  the  iron  while  it  was 
hot,"  the  iron  being  a  woman,  as  he  de- 
scribes, in  a  state  like  the  fused  metal, 
"with  a  pound  of  passion  to  a  grain  of 
reason."  It  is  useless,  though,  to  ask  'of 
this  lord-man  and  his  ilk  such  ques- 
tions ;  they  believe,  and  always  will,  that 
we  were  made  for  them ;  that  our  rights 
and  pleasure  must  be  always  subservient 
to  theirs. 


EMERSON    AND    MILL.  9 1 

Could  they  give  no  better  plea  for 
striking  the  helpless  iron,  they  could 
say,  "We  were  '  flown  with  insolence 
and  wine,'  "  and  that  would  suffice!  Un- 
fortunately for  the  world  and  its  lords, 
the  very  reverse  of  what  the  author  as- 
serts as  to  our  legislative  power  is  true. 
Woman  fixes  scarcely  anything  with 
reference  even  to  herself;  man  takes 
care  or,  till  very  recently,  has  taken  care 
of  all.  Emerson,  no  mean  authority, 
and  Mill,  too,  if  not  in  letter,  in  tenor, 
declare  that  the  world  will  not  be  better 
socially  or  morally  till  the  men  get  sense 
enough  to  allow  us  to  show  them  "how 
we  would  be  served." 

But  since  woman  has  "betrayed  her 
trust,"  shown  her  weakness  (see  page 
130),  through  the  devilish  enginery  of 
"palming  and  pressing,"  used  against 
her  by  her  protector  (!)  man,  he  is  in- 
vited to  walk  in  and  regulate  matters 
by  suppressing   his   own  inventions,   or 


92  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

the  vehicle  through  which  they  work 
best,  the  Wahz.  The  wolf  is  called 
upon  to  ''show  his  strength  and  re- 
deem his  honor"  (!)  by  placing  the 
sheep  in  some  other  position  more  fa- 
vorable for  him.  But  from  these  poor 
things,  as  I  infer,  all  law-making  power 
should  be  taken!  How  fair  and  god-like 
all  this!  What  about  the  multitude  of 
maidens  and  matrons  who  have  not 
sinned,  Mr.  H.; — whose  ''natural  aver- 
sion for  impurity"  would  leave  them 
still  eligible  to  serve  you  in  the  putting 
down  of  this  dreadful  evil  ? 

The  last  sentence  of  this  107th  page, 
and  the  last  page  in  the  chapter,  out- 
herod  Herod  in  their  extravagant  inso- 
lence. He  allows  his  horses  —  unre- 
strained enough  before,  heaven  knows — 
now  full  rein;  dashing,  of  course,  his 
Bacchic  gig  to  pieces.  Hear  him:  Poor 
woman,  having  shamelessly  violated  "the 
sacred  trust  that  nature  and  society  have 


WILL    ESCAPE    METEMPSYCHOSIS.       93 

confided  to  her,"  the  ball-room  roues 
should  regard  her  as  something  lower 
than  —  he  would  probably  have  said 
themselves,  had  he  not  caught  a  glimpse 
of  the  impossibility. 

As  to  the  last  page,  I  dare  give  only 
its  substance.  The  ravenous  wolves,  the 
''gentlemen,  who  are  no  professors  of 
heroic  virtues,"  (not  they!)  becoming 
sated  with  their  partners  in  the  dance, 
dismiss  those  who  are  not  yet  "on  the 
street"  with  the  same  easy  courtesy  they 
do  the  courtesans  who  are!  And  all  this 
of  women  who  must  be  (if  any  are) 
wholly  irreproachable!    ^ 

The  Indian  metempsychosis  need  have 
no  terrors  for  our  author.  If  an  animal 
incarnation  of  his  soul  after  death  be 
either  needed  or  possible,  the  change  can 
be  of  little  consequence  to  him.  He 
may  indeed  find  it  at  first  a  little  strange 
going  on  fours  instead  of  twos,  but  as  to 
strangeness  of  feeling  there  can  be  none. 


94  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

The  spiritual  habitat  would  be  altogether 
familiar.  What  he  would  have  chiefly 
to  dread  from  the  anger  of  Brahma  would 
be  total  extinction.  Just  think,  readers, 
how  perfect  an  animal  he  must  be ! 
T  wenty  years  of  toil  to  reach  the  pin- 
nacle of  filth ! 

The  history  of  the  ''  get  up  "  of  this 
book  would,  I  suspect,  be  a  curious  one. 

As  to  the  title,  its  cause  may  have  been 
as  fearfully  real  as  its  application  has 
been  immorally  fanciful.  Could  the  joy- 
ous Waltz  have  suggested  it  ?  Ah !  more 
likely  that  the  imminent  prospect  of  a 
pas  seul  in  the  aj.r,  to  carry  out  the  **  mor- 
al purpose^of  a  judge,  honest  if  implacable, 
stamped  the  name  vividly  on  the  author's 
brain. 

From  many  passages  of  his  put  cases, 
it  seems  to  me  the  author  could  say  of 
some  of  his  illustrations,  "  /  know  how  it 
is  myself^' ;  for,  in  many  of  them  we  think 
we  see  festering  the  sting  of  personal 


HUMANO    CAPITI    CERVICEM,    ETC.      95 

slight  or  loss.  At  all  events,  what  more 
natural  than  that  wife  or  daughter  should 
seek  away  from  his  home  an  atmos- 
phere more  suited  to  her  womanly  in- 
stincts for  the  beautiful  and  good  than 
she  could  there  breathe.  I,  at  least, 
could  not  suppose  that  the  author  of  such 
a  book  as  the  *'  Dance,"  could  fill  the 
voids  in  either  heart  or  brain  of  a  good, 
refined,  or  intelligent  woman. 

Or,  again,  the  foundation  may  have 
been  laid  by  a  man  of  low  tastes,  habits, 
and  associations — by  some  habitue  of 
dives,  beer-cellars,  etc.,  and  subsequently 
the  cesspool  may  have  been  a  little  de- 
oderized  and  built  upon  by  a  careful  and 
cunning  hand — by  some  cultured  gentle- 
man, who,  having  the  entree  to  good 
society,  descended  (for  unknown  mo- 
tives) to  pander  to  the  original  designer, 
by  caricaturing  its  habits — by  treating  as 
deceptive  apples  of  Sodom,  fruit  fair 
enough  to  have  grown  in  the  gardens 
of  the  Blest. 


CHAPTER  IX. 

I  utterly  abhor,  yea,  from  my  soul 
Refuse  you  for  my  judge  j  whom  yet  once  more 
I  hold  my  most  malicious  foe,  and  think  not 
At  all  a  friend  to  truth. 

—Henry  VIII. 


N  the  ninth  chapter  we  get 
more  illustrations,  less  pertinent 
than  ever  to  the  author's  design, 
the  destruction  of  the  "  abomi- 
nation," the  waltz.  He  calls  it  the  high 
road  to  the  divorce  court ;  but  I  am  sat- 
isfied that  could  an  extended  and  impar- 
tial investigation  be  made,  it  would 
reveal  against  one  divorce  a  hundred 
marriages.  If  it  lead  anywhere  spe- 
cially, it  is  to  the  hymeneal  altar,  as  stated 
by  his  lady  friend  2X  the  beginning  of  the 


HINC    ILL^    LACRIM^  !  97 

seventh  chapter  of  the  '*  Dance": .  .  '*  you 
fall  in  love  with  us  In  the  ball-room, 
you  court  us  there,  and  you  marry  us 
there,"  etc. 

This,  we  think,  is  rejoinder  enough  to 
the  divorce-thrust  against  the  dance. 

With  his  put  cases  of  the  '*  poor,  dull, 
stupid  Benedick,"  who,  being  nothing 
more  in  the  ball-room  than  oiUside  it, 
(according  to  the  author  s  own  putting), 
had  very  naturally  to  content  himself 
with  being  a  wall-flower, — and  of  the 
young  and  newly-married  man,  who, 
having  taken  a  frivolous,  good-for-noth- 
ing woman  to  wife,  thought  to  win  her 
heart  by  Imitating  her  follies,  and  failed 
as  he  deserved, — with  such  cases,  I  say 
my  readers  will  not  trouble  themselves 
much,  bearing  duly  in  mind  his  artistic 
coloring  to  give  vraisemblance  to  his  fig- 
ures. He  appears,  however,  so  sincere  for 
once  In  his  sympathy  for  the  poor  "  Bene- 
dick," abandoned  by  the  wife  for  some 


98  '      THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

favored  one  who  usurps  all  her  attention, 
that  we  suspect  some  fellow-feeling,  in 
this  instance,  "  has  made  kim  wondrous 
kind."  Of  both  these,  especially  the 
first,  we  may  say  that  their  own  impru- 
dence and  not  the  waltz  brought  them  to 
grief  Had  they  not  inverted  the  plain 
injunction  of  common  sense,  no  less  than 
of  the  Talmud  which  says  :  ''  When  thou 
choosest  a  friend  ascend  a  step,  but  when 
thou  choosest  a  wife  descends,  step,"  there 
would  have  been  little  trouble  at  home. 
But  perhaps  it  would  have  been  impossi- 
ble for  such  poor  fellows  to  follow  the 
advice,  being  themselves  little  better 
than  the  missing  links  for  which  Darwin 
is  hunting. 

The  filth  of  this  book  is  in  a  great 
measure  its  armor.  Alive  with  corrup- 
tion, places  cannot  be  touched.  Mutatis 
7nuta7tdisy  we  can  say  of  it  in  the  words 
of  Moore  : 

You  may  file,  you  may  polish   the  book  as  you  will, 
But  the  scent — not  of  roses — will  hang  'round  it  stiJl. 


INGOBERGES    SILLY    EXPERIMENT.     99 

As  to  the  result  of  Ingoberge's  silly 
experiment  beingchargeable  to  the  dance, 
it  is  too  ridiculous,  and  I  think  the  author 
ought  to  treat  his  readers  with  a  little 
more  courtesy  than  to  suppose  them  fools. 
Indeed  his  selected  illustrations  through- 
out are  most  infelicitous.  The  idea  of  a 
woman's  trying,  in  the  feudal  times,  to 
win  her  despot  lord  from  the  attractions 
of  the  chase  by  bringing  to  bear  on  him 
the  superior  ones  of  "  two  sisters  of  sur- 
passing beauty,"  to  essay  with  him  "  the 
light  fantastic,"  and  hoping  for  any  other 
result  than  that  of  divorce  or  decapita- 
tion I  Would  the  result  have  been  diff- 
erent had  the  sisters  sung  or  played  or 
conversed  or  done  anything  else  divinely  ? 
Pshaw !  let  not  our  author  presume  too 
much  on  the  stupidity  of  his  readers. 
Once  on  page  120  the  truth  emerges  a 
little  from  the  fog  in  which  he  endeavors 
to  hide  her,  when  he  says:  ''The  waltz 
may  not  make  such  despicable  creatures 


lOO  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

as  I  have  described — (he  is  speaking  of 
non-dancing  and  non-jealous  husbands, 
who  feel  proud  of  the  admiration  their 
wives  attract) — but  it  at  least  affords 
them  an  opportunity  to  parade  their  own 
degradation  ! !  "  Well,  if  that's  not  ra- 
tional, 'tis  at  least  original.  Why,  the 
qualities  that  such  men  possess  are  vir- 
tues, not  vices — traits  to  be  envied,  not 
condemned!  No  doubt,  in  Mr.  H.'s  es- 
timation, they  would  be  far  more  praise- 
worthy if  they  showed  themselves  unso- 
cial, jealous  brutes,  and  dragged  their 
wives  in  a  pet  from  the  ball-room. 

The  allusion  to  Herodias'  dancing-ofif, 
the  head  of  John  the  Baptist,  is  of  the 
same  drivling,  inconsequential  type  as  the 
rest.  Just  as  if  her  mother  would  not 
have  found  other  means,  if  needed,  of 
avenging  the  reproof  she  received  for  her 
licentiousness.  This  is  the  way  he  illus- 
trates that  the  waltz  has  ever  been  the 
cause  of  violence  and  bloodshed  !     And 


THOSE    OBSCENE    PHOTOGRAPHS.      ID  I 

where  he  cannot  point  to  an  actual  Ven- 
detta of  blood,  enacted  in  the  ball-room, 
he  will  assert  that  it  is  "  nevertheless  de- 
clared," and  has  a  spiritual  realization — 
like  Paul's  Millenium — in  "  murdered 
love  and  bleeding  hearts  " — an  assertion 
resting  merely  on  ^^>  judgment,  or,  rather 
imagination. 

In  his  tenth  chapter  ("pray  heaven  " 
it  be  his  last)  he  refers  to  the  latest 
variety  of  waltz  ;  but  as  no  modest  wo- 
man would  either  dance  it  at  all,  or  dance 
it  in  a  way  of  which  she  herself  would  be 
ashamed,  he  wastes  his  wit  about  the 
**  pleasing  idimAy  picture  for  later  years  " 
that  the  attitude  assumed  while  dancing 
it  would  afford.  But  if  "some  maiden  " 
had  favored  him  with  such  a  photograph 
of  her  dancing-self,  he  might  surely  have 
risked,  like  a  brave  martyr,  the  wrath  of 
an  offended  law  by  using  it  to  illustrate 
his  book,  if  the  ''success  of  its  7nission 
would  be  thereby   assured''     Besides,  if 


I02  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

thje  majesty  of  the  law  could  swallow  the 
beam  of  the  book  itself,  for  the  sake  of  its 
pure  motive  ( /),  our  author  could  not  sup- 
pose that  the  law  would  choke  because  of 
the  motes  of  a  few  obscene  pictures. 

In  the  following  paragraph,  however, 
we  have  the  astounding  declaration  that^ 
had  he  given  us  such  a  representation  it 
**  would  immediately  effect  the  fulfillment 
of  a  prophecy,"  that  is,  in  other  words,  the 
''success  of  the  book's  mission.''  So  that 
the  prophecy  and  the  book's  mission  be- 
ing identical  (as  a  careful  reading  of  the 
two  paragraphs  will  clearly  show),  to 
know  what  the  latter  really  is,  or  what 
Mr.  Herman  wishes  his  book  to  accom- 
plish, we  have  only  to  find  out  the  former. 
This  the  author  himself  condenses  for  us 
from  a  work  recently  published,  called 
"  Saratoga  in  Nineteen  Hundred."  "In 
those  times  there  is  to  be  no  more  danc- 
ing. The  gentlemen  are,  indeed,  to  en- 
gage the  ladies  as  now,  but  instead  of 


CAUGHT    IN    HIS    OWN    TRAP.  IO3 

taking  them  on  the  floor,  they  will  retire 
with  their  partners  to  little  private  rooms," 
with  which  every  respectable  mansion  is 
to  be  provided,  etc.,  as  this  will  be  "a 
great  improvement"  upon  the  present  too 
public  display  of  feeling.  I  cannot  shock 
my  readers  by  giving  his  exact  closing- 
words.  Surely,  after  this,  it  should  be 
needless  to  enquire  any  more  about  the 
motive  oi  the  "Dance;"  he  himself  has 
unintentionally  revealed  it,  viz,  to  de- 
moralize the  world,  and  usher  in  a  Satur- 
nalia of  vice.  How  was  it,  Mr.  Her- 
man, that  after  twenty  years  smoothing 
and  patching  to  make  your  pyrite  look 
like  a  real  gem,  this  huge  fissure,  by 
which  we  can  see  to  its  very  core, 
escaped  your  notice?  How  was  it  that 
you  could  not  see  the  inference  which 
all  must  draw,  viz,  that  yowx  pen-pictures 
of  the  vile  dance  would  tend  to  bring 
about  the  new  Satanic  era  with  much 
more  rapidity  than  the  sun-pictures  .'^  Ah ! 


I04  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

truly,  we  must  say  with  Confucius :  **  How 
can  a  man  (or  any  other  animal)  be  con- 
cealed !     How  can  he  be  concealed  !" 

The  chapter  winds  up  with  a  descrip- 
tion, meant  to  be  ironical,  of  that  future 
generation  whose  religion  shall  be  danc- 
ing. But  If  we  take  away  the  sensual 
aim  and  spirit  of  the  transformation 
(which  for  our  author  is  nothing  more 
than  a  Mahomet's  paradise  \  and  make 
one  or  two  trifling  changes,  we  might 
say  that  he  wrote  "  better  than  he  knew." 
He  seems  to  be  unaware  that  the  high- 
est expression  of  religious  feeling  is  In 
dancing  and  son^.  The  first  is  to  sol- 
emn action  what  the  second  or  music 
is  to  grave  discourse.  For,  when  this 
feeling  passes  a  certain  point  of  inten- 
sity, It  breaks  naturally  Into  the  undy- 
ing forms  of  dancing  and  song.  In 
these,  then,  is  found  the  highest  wor- 
ship—a fact  that  both  reason  and  his- 
tory show.      If  there  be  any  wlldness  or 


NO  death;   all  life.  105 

intoxication  about  them,  it  is  of  a  very 
different  kind  from  that  of  the  *'  half- 
drunk,  half-mad  Bacchante  "  of  the  au- 
thors  imagination.  One  of  his  gross 
conceptions — to  whom  "  all  goodness  is 
poison  to  his  stomach  " — would  not  be 
likely  to  understand  or  value  the  "  true 
bliss  "  of  that  high  ecstasy,  so  I  need  not 
try  to  lift  its  sacred  veil.  Among  the 
''  whirling  congregation  "  of  the  coming 
time  that  he  mocks,  those  of  his  type 
can  have  no  place.  Hymn-books  and 
prayer-books  shall  indeed  have  disap- 
peared, as  also  the  hand-built  house, 
where  they  were  used;  but  nothing  "  un- 
clean "  shall  frolic  on  the  floor  of  the 
new  temple,  where  no  mementos  of  suf- 
fering or  death  shall  be  seen.  No  place 
there  for  Mr.  Herman's  ''  magnificent 
animals,"  who  must  pursue  their  "de- 
lectable recreation  "  elsewhere,  perhaps, 
with  weeping  and  gnashing  of  teeth. 
The  "  divine  dancers  "  of  that  era  shall 


I06  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

have  no  pollution  to  fear  from  the 
earthly  one  of  this.  Then,  as  says  the 
Psalmist,  the  world  s  '*  mourning  shall  be 
turned  into  dancing,  its  tears  and  despair 
into  ''songs  of  joy." 

But  it  is  almost  time  to  stop  this  need- 
less refutation  in  detail  of  a  phillipic  like 
the  "  Dance,"  the  whole  strength  of  which 
lies  in  its  burnished  though  audacious 
obscenity.  We  need  not  concern  our- 
selves any  longer  about  putting  out  the 
light  it  has  struck.  An  ignis  fattms 
from  the  foul  exhalations  of  a  sensual 
mind,  it  will  soon  disappear  in  the  dark- 
ness that  gave  it  birth  ;  and  I  should 
not  have  noticed  it  at  all,  perhaps,  had 
I  not  feared  that  a  universal  silence  on 
our  part  might  have  been  misconstrued 
against  us.         ' 

No  doubt  most  of  my  sex  thought  it 
too  contemptible  for  an  answer,  or  they 
were  perhaps  too  stunned  by  the  author's 
insolence  to  give  expression  to  their  feel- 


SMITE    IMPUDENCE    WITH    SCORN.     I07 

ings.  To  them  I  would  now  say:  sully 
not  your  fingers  by  taking  up  this  lewd 
nightmare,  the  ''  Dance  of  Death  ; "  but 
if  unfortunately  you  have  already  done 
so,  show  that  its  perusal  has  not  left  a 
ripple  upon  your  previous  repose,  or  even 
a  tinge  of  shame  upon  your  innocence,  by 
dancing  the  waltz  on  all  proper  occasions 
more  than  ever.  Let  your  acts,  my  sis- 
ters, be  the  hellebore  to  restore  this  mad- 
man to  reason,  even  though,  like  Hor- 
ace's applauder  in  the  empty  theater,  he 
may  curse  you  for  destroying  his  pleas- 
ing delusions.  Drink  in  the  spirit;  of  the 
poet,  who  wrote  just  for  such  an  occasion 
when  he  said  : 

'•Ye  generous  maids,  revenge  your  sex's  wrong} 
Let  not  the  mean  destroyer  e'er  approach 
Your  sacred  charms,  now  muster  all  your  pride, 
Contempt  and  scorn,  that,  shot  by  beauty's  eye, 
Confounds  the  mighty  im|'udent  and  smites 
The  front  unknown  to  shame;  trust  not  his  vows, 
His  labored  sighs  and  well-dissembled  tears, 
Nor  swell  the  triumph  of  known  perjury." 

And  while  you   thus  silently  but  se- 
verely rebuke  the  doctrine  of  this  book. 


I08  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

by  doing  more  than  ever  what  it  con- 
demns, exercise  greater  care  than  be- 
fore as  to  whom  you  admit  to  your  ball- 
rooms, and  above  all  use  despotically 
your  right  to  refuse  whom  you  please  as 
partners  in  the  dance.  Show  these  lords 
of  creation  that  you  and  you  alone  are 
the  arbiters  as  to  what  and  whom  you 
shall  permit. 

And  to  the  men  I  would  say,  as  did 
the  philosopher  to  his  slandered  and 
complaining  friend  :  'Act  so  that  no  one 
will  believe  the  detractor.'  You,  who 
understand  what  is  our  due,  and  whose 
external  courtesy  towards  us  mirrors 
your  inward  respect  and  delicacy, — you 
can  afford  to  smile  at  the  "corrupting 
influence  "  of  the  Waltz.  You  certainly 
will  not  be  deterred  from  dancing  it 
through  any  ravings  of  the  author.  Nor 
will  you  be  likely  to  frame  for  us  more 
restrictions  than  we  choose  to  use,  only 
because  Mr.  H.'s  lions  are  abroad.     Let 


DANCE    OF    GOLDEN    AGE.  IO9 

his  fancies  devour  him,  while  we,  "  with 
even  powers," 

*•  The  rock,  the  spindle  and  the  shears  control, 
Of  Destiny,  and  spin  our  own  free  hours." 

Dancing  in  general,  and  the  Waltz  in 
particular,  will  be,  I  hope,  for  you  what  it 
must  ever  be  for  us,  an  amusement  no  less 
innocent  than  delightful.  Remember  that 
though  there  may  be  no  actual  dancing  in 
the  world  to  come,  one  of  the  wisest  poets, 
the  great  Homer,  has  depicted  (after  an- 
cient usage)  its  exalted  joys  by  those  he 
deemed  best  and  purest  in  this.  So  we 
have  in  his  Dance  of  the  Golden  Age  a 
high  sanction  for  this  amusement  of  our 
Iron  Age,  as  old  at  least  as  the  sun. 

The  divine  bard  sings  as  follows : 

"And   here  the  fair-haired  Graces,  the  wise   Hours 
Harmonia,   Hebe,  and  sweet   Venus'  powers, 
Danced  5  and  each  other,  palm  to  palm  did  cling, 
And   with  them  danced  not  a  deformed  thing  j — 
No  forespoke  dwarf,   nor  downward  witherling ; 
But  all  with  wondrous  goodly  forms  were  decked, 
And  moved  with   beauties  of  unprized  aspect. 
Dart-dear  Diana,  even  with   Phoebus  bred, 
Danced  likewise  there  5   he  touched  his  lute  to  them 
Sweetly  and  softly  :   a  most  glorious  beam 
Casting  about  him — as  he  danced  and  played." 


^a:^^ 


CHAPTER    X. 


O  heaven,  that  such  companions  thou'dst  unfold ; 

And  put  in  every  honest  hand  a  whip, 

To  lash  the  rascals  naked   through  the  world." 

Shakspear£. 

AViNG  brought  this  ten -act 
Irdig^Cxy-bouffe  to  a  close,  the 
author  now  thinks  he  ought  to 
respond  in  a  Httle  speech  to  the 
epistolary  plaudits  of  the  public;  the 
hisses  he  will  print  ''at  some  future 
time,"  he  says;  that  is,  when  ''the  river 
flows  by  for  the  countryman."  But  we 
strongly  advise  his  censors  not  to  en- 
trust their  weapons  to  Mr.  Herman's 
keeping,  if  they  would  oppose  him 
effectually;  for  all  his  promises,  he  will. 


HIDES    THE    HISSES.  Ill 

take  good  care  to  leave  them  to  rust 
and  oblivion.  He  tells  us,  however,  that 
their  chief  objection  ("for  lack  of  a 
better,"  according  to  him,)  is  that  his 
book  ''  is  likely  to  do  more  harm  than 
good  to  young  people,  as  it  will  teach 
them  what  they  were  ignorant  of  be- 
fore." In  the  foregoing  pages  we  have 
said  the  same  thing,  not  lacking  a  few 
others,  to  which  we  seriously  call  his 
attention.  He  does  not  dispose  of  this 
simple  but  effective  argument  against 
his  book;  it  rather  disposes  of  him. 
Still,  as  he  manages  to  wTap  the  truth  in 
a  mist  of  plausible  sophistry,  let  us  dis- 
sect a  little  his  special  pleading.  "  If, 
at  the  present  day,"  he  argues,  "  the 
youth  of  either  sex  are  ignorant  of  any- 
thing the  'Dance  of  Death'  can  teach,  it 
is  not  from  want  of  opportunity  to  be 
wiser."  Now  let  me  observe  that  evil 
is  of  two  kinds,  external  and  internal. 
The  first  is  always  real,  and  independent 


112  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

of  US,  as  its  cause  of  being  is  outside  us. 
All  external  evils  are,  therefore,  proper 
subjects  of  advice  or  warning.  Internal 
evils  may  be  divided  into  two  classes: 
those  that  flow  inevitably  from  external 
evil, — as  mental  derangements  from  ex- 
cessive use  of  stimulants, — and  those 
that  have  no  material  source,  but  arise 
from  a  wrong  direction  given  to  the  in- 
ternal motions  we  call  thought.  Now,- 
unless  the  relation  between  any  given 
act  and  a  specified  train  of  thought  be 
obvious,  or,  from  experience,  undeniable, 
nothing  is  so  well  established,  practi- 
cally, as  that  we  should  not  awaken  in 
the  minds  of  the  young,  by  speech  or 
otherwise,  a  train  of  thought  which  may 
be  pernicious, — above  all,  in  association 
with  a  recreation  like  dancing,  so  old, 
so  pleasing,  so  deep-rooted  and  wide- 
spread. 

The  ''beacon"  itself,  in  this  instance, 
is  far  more  to  be  dreaded,  as  a  destroy- 


BEACON  "    THE    ONLY    "  ROCK."      I  1 3 


ing  agent,  than  the  latent  or  imagined 
rock  from  which  it  would  fend  us.  I 
say  all  this  on  the  supposition  that  there 
is  a  rock  ;  but  if  there  be  none,  or  none 
worth  speaking  about,  the  office  that  the 
"Dance"  professes  to  perform  for  us  be- 
comes as  unnecessary  as  It  is  dangerous. 
All  then  is  pure  loss  without  compensa- 
tion. The  author  claims  that  his  book 
is  but  for  one  class  (it  affects  nearly  all)^ 
viz:  for  those  who  as  yet  ''know  no 
evil,"  but  may  drift  upon  ''the  rocks  that 
beset  their  course,"  and  so  gain  "a  right 
to  complain  bitterly  of  those  who 
should  have  furnished  them  with  a  chart." 
Plausible,  but  deceptive  pleading,  this  ! 
We  all  know  that  vice  has,  in  itself,  fas- 
cination enough  for  the  young,  without 
enhancing  it  with  artificial  coloring ; — 
and  yet  this  is  what  the  author  has  done 
all  through  his  book.  He  has  written 
of  the  Waltz  in  a  manner  to  tempt  the 
very   class   for   which    he   professes   to 


114  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

write,  the  young  and  innocent,  to  taste 
its  forbidden  pleasures.  Forbidden  fruit, 
even  with  instant  and  severe  punish- 
ment attached,  is  now,  as  of  old,  the 
sweetest  for  the  young.  Will  they  ab- 
stain from  eating  when  the  penalty  is 
remote  or  unappreciable  by  them  ?  Does 
Mr.  H.  paint  the  future  /?ams  of  indulg- 
ing in  the  Waltz  with  the  tenth  part  of 
the  colors  with  which  he  does  its  imme- 
diate pleasures?  He  does  not, — as  any 
one  can  see  who  opens  his  book.  So, 
then,  as  this  would  act  only  as  an  incen- 
tive to  evil-doing,  for  the  only  class  that 
he  thinks  it  should  benefit,  nothing  re- 
mains for  us  but  to  cast  it  into  the  fire. 
It  has  plainly  no  place  in  this  world, 
except  as  an  instrument  for  Satan,  whose 
arsenal  has  been  long  overstocked.  So 
much  for  the  argumentative  part  of  his 
address  to  the  public. 

If    those    who     keep     objectionable 
works,  Mr.  Herman,  will   not  neverthe- 


OUTCAST    FROM    THE    MEANEST.        II5 

less  allow  your  book  Into  their  houses, 
lest  it  fall  into  improper  hands,  it  may 
be  because  they  think  it,  as  an  in- 
centive to  vice,  "  raised  by  its  merit 
to  a  bad  eminence  "  over  all  others.  Or, 
perhaps,  possessing  Rabelais, — whose 
"  filth,"  if  "  inexpressible,"  is  at  least 
comparatively  harmless, — and  Petronius, 
and  Apuleius,  whose  "  unnatural  beastli- 
ness "  is  not  dressed  up,  like  yours,  ad 
captandum,  they  may  think  they  have 
enough  of  such  garbage,  and  so  refuse 
yours  admittance. 

You  will  not  take  it  seriously  to  heart, 
I  hope,  that  this  seeming  slight  has  been 
put  upon  your  "  Dance."  If  it  was 
refused  the  society  of  even  Balzac's 
Contes  Dramatigues,  with  all  its  *'  pretty 
pictures,"  you  ought  to  remember  that 
this  was  the  best  involuntary  compliment 
it  could  have  been  paid.  The  illustra- 
tions of  the  ''  Droll  Stories,"  however 
plain  and  vile,  were  not  half  as  dangerous 


Tl6  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

as  the  "Dances"  pen-pictures.  Still,  the 
"moral  purpose"  of  your  book  ought  to 
have  insured  it  a  passport  to  the  best  soci- 
ety of  its  kind!  No  wonder  that  you  should 
feel  a  little  piqued  that  it  did  not ;  but 
unfortunately,  as  the  language  and  style 
of  your  book  by  no  means  confirmed  its 
own  assertions  about  its  honesty  and 
good  intentions,  the  first  (as  is  usually 
the  case)  were  believed  and  the  last  were 
not.  That  half  a  dozen  bad  books  are 
kept  out  of  reach  of  those  whom  they 
may  harm,  is  no  reason,  Mr.  Herman, 
why  any  more  should  be  added  to  the  lot 
And  now,  lest  it  be  thought  that 
he  stands  ''entirely  alone  in  his  opin- 
ions," he  proceeds  to  give  us  favorable 
extracts  from  newspaper  reviews  and  let- 
ters concerning  the  "  Dance."  As  some 
of  these  are  no  doubt  genuine,  all  well 
framed,  and  many  of  them  from  good 
sources,  and  so  calculated  to  mislead  the 
unwary,  not  acquainted  with  the  tricks 


NOT  MODESTY,  BUT  PRUDENCE.   II7 

usual  in  such  cases,  I  shall  make,  a  few 
comments  on  them.  Before  doing  so,  I 
would  say  that,  though  the  name  of  the 
responsible,  if  not  real  author,  is  quite 
immaterial  to  the  questio7t,  yet  as  it  was 
known  to  many  before  any  letters  such  as 
that  from  Mrs.  General  Sherman  openly 
revealed  it,  I  confess  to  being  so  obtuse 
as  not  to  understand  the  given  grounds  of 
its y^r;;^^/ concealment,  viz.,  for  the' sake 
of  "good  taste"  and  '' modesty T  These 
may  be  the  true  ones;  though,  having 
evidently  exhausted  so  much  of  these 
precious  qualities  in  the  production  of 
the  "  Dance  "  itself,  it  would  be  natural 
to  suppose  that  there  was  little  left  of 
them  for  other  exigency.  This  at  least 
was  my  stupid  view;  I  fancied  and  half- 
fancy  still,  thdX prudence,  much  mote  than 
any  other  quality,  was  responsible  for  the 
suppression  of  the  best  third  of  the 
name.  If  Mr.  Herman  met  the  recep- 
tion  he  perhaps  dreaded,  why,  Mr.  Ru- 


I  1 8  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

lofson  would  be,  legally,  at  all  events, 
quite  safe.  It  seemed  merely  a  literary 
''  hege,"  till  it  was  determined  which  way 
blew  the  wind.  But  of  course  I  blun- 
dered. It  was  the  distress  at  the  "arraign- 
ment of  his  fellow-man  "(! )  (not  even  a 
crocodile  tear  for  us),  that  made  him  hide 
his  face  for  shame  !  Poor  fellow  !  The 
question  at  issue  having  been  discussed 
by  nte,  and  the  "good  thing"  done  for  the 
world,  I  have  thus  taken  the  liberty  of 
glancing  at  the  author,  especially  as  he 
invites  us  to  do  so.  Enough  of  him,  how- 
ever. Let  me  turn  now  to  the  "  extracts," 
and  endeavor  to  traverse  this  rather  slip- 
pery ground  without  stumbling. 

The  old  breast-work  of  "no  direct 
permission,"  where  names  to  letters  are 
suppressed,  is  thrown  up  at  the  outset. 
It  will  be  rated  at  its  true  value  by  the 
public.  Many  of  those  "  extracts  "  are 
undouht^dly  genuine,  if  we  can  use  such 
a  term  to  articles  that  have  been  written 


THE    ''ALTA       BAMBOOZLED.  I  I9 

out  first  by  Mr.  H.  hitnselfov  his  friends 
and  then  presented  to  editors  for  publi- 
cation— to  office-clerks  for  insertion  when 
necessary,  and  to  individuals  for  signature. 
Such  eulogies  can,  as  every  one  knows, 
be  manufactured  by  the  cord,  and  will 
deceive  none  but  the  most  inexperi- 
enced. The  style  in  five  cases  out  of 
six  will  give  us  all  the  light  needed,  as 
to  the  origin,  like  a  star.  In  this  way, 
undoubtedly  was  the  scrap  ot  June  17th, 
from  the  Alta,  wrung  in  on  the  good- 
nature of  the  editors  of  that  paper.  The 
chances  are  a  hundred  to  one  that  they 
had  not  read  a  line  of  the  "  Dance," 
when  the  quoted  extract  was  handed  in 
to  them.  They  are  not  the  men  to 
allow,  knowingly,  their  paper  to  be  used 
to  spread  the  circulation  of  a  book  that 
would  deprave  the  young  and  operate 
as  a  pestilence  in  families.  Not  at  all ; 
theirs  has  always  been  a  clean  sheet,  and 
has  never,  in  the  most  remote  way,  been 
the  abettor  of  immorality. 


1 20  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

But  the  Bulletin  was  not  so  compliant, 
though  we  understand  no  efforts  were 
spared  to  get  its  endorsement.  The 
literary  Cerberus  at  its  door  was  too 
keen  and  sensitive  to  have  matter  so 
offensive  foisted  on  him,  or  to  be 
sopped  to  sleep  by  the  "  moral  pur- 
posed The  Ho7ne  Newspaper  was  simi- 
larly bamboozled,  I  presume,  though  be- 
ing a  weekly,  it  would  have  less  excuse 
than  the  Alta.  The  style  and  matter  of 
the  extract  from  the  Evangel  of  June 
14th,  tells,  I  think,  the  tale.  But  on  the 
supposition  that  this  paper  did  write 
what  is  inserted,  I  beg  leave  to  tell  its 
editor  that  the  real  name  of  that  "  gentle- 
man of  high  standing,"  the  author,  does 
furnish  all  the  ''  evidence  requisite  "  to 
prove  for  the  thinking  portion  of  our 
citizens  that  the  purpose  of  his  book  was 
anything  but  what  he  pretends.  "  In- 
tegrity of  purpose,"  indeed!  Integrity 
of  fiddlesticks !     The   Christian  Advo- 


FOUR    MINUTES    TO    LEAVE."       12  1 


ca^e  o(  sa.mQ  date  likewise  inserted  his 
self-praise.  It  will  not  be  necessary,  for 
obvious  reasons,  to  draw  any  conclusions 
from  what  we  might  read  in  the  £c/io 
or  News  Letter.  The  last  devotes  a 
lengthy  paragraph  to  a  fulsome  lauda- 
tion of  the  ''  Dance "  and  the  author, 
speaking  of  the  latter  as  "  eminent  "  (?) 
in  "social  circles."  No  doubt;  but  we 
we  are  not  told  on  which  side  of  zero 
lies  his  Emi7ience.  It  is  laughable  how 
the  paper,  or  rather  the  author,  tries 
to  choke  us  women  off  from  uttering 
a  word  in  reply  to  his  slanders,  by  say- 
ing that  we  "  will  doubtless  lose  our 
temper  and  confess  our  sin  by  our  indig- 
nation /"  This  is  somewhat  like  the 
trick  which  many  may  remember  that 
an  Eastern  lecturess  played  upon  her  au- 
dience lest  they  "  might  grow  skittish  " 
and  leave  her  to  declaim  to  empty 
benches.  We  are  not  aware  of  having 
in  the  least  lost  our  temper,  and  as  to  the 


122  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

''gentlemen!'  they  will  not  think  that  Mr. 
Herman's  ''  looking-glass  "  detracts  from 
their  features  a  particle.  For  them  it  has 
no  quicksilver  whatever.  The  Chroni- 
cle notice  amounts  to  nothing.  Three 
lines,  guarded  and  non-committal.  It 
wisely  waits  for  the  alterain  partem, 
probably,  before  unmasking  its  batteries. 
The  extract  from  the  Post  of  June  i6th 
was  written  for,  not  by  that  paper. 

Now  come  the  anonymous  letters;  upon 
two  (from  ladies)  I  have  commented  in 
a  previous  chapter. 

Two  clergymen  speak ;  one  a  Rev- 
erend Father  of  St.  Ignatius  College, 
who,  in  his  commendable  zeal  to  aid  what 
he  thinks  the  cause  of  morality,  plays 
unconsciously  into  Mr*.  Herman's  hands, 
furthering  the  cause  of  vice  by  wishing 
that  all,  ''even  young  ladies''!  may  read 
his  book.  And  two  other  Catholic  clergy- 
men- are  still  more  emphatic  in  their  ad- 
miration for  a  work  the  evil  of  which  no 


MORE    NAMELESS    LADIES.  1 23 

one  may  calculate.  It  is  astonishing  how 
worthy  and  well-meaning  people  can  be 
hood-winked  by  a  cunning  business  man, 
spiritually  dressed  up  with  care,  to  play 
his  moral  role  !  None  seem  so  easily  de- 
ceived as  clergymen. 

A  few  lines  from  each  of  a  dozen 
or  so  gentlemen  (names  given)  then 
follow,  but  they  call  for  no  special  com- 
ment, being  all  of  a  similar  character. 
A  lady  of  "high  social  standing"  in 
Washington,  sends  him  a  line  and  a 
half.  As  his  ladies  of  "  high  standing" 
never  have  names,  we  may  ignore  them 
altogether.  A  Santa  Barbara  lady,  again 
of  the  "best,"  but  nameless,  writes:  "your 
choice(!)  yet  plain  language,  leaves  no 
room  for  misinterpretation,"  etc.  Can 
we  regard  this  lady  (if  not  a  myth)  in  any 
other  light  than  as  a  sly  quiz  "^  I  think 
not.  Look  out,  Mr.  H.;  you  cannot  draw 
the  hood  over  our  sex  as  easily  as  you  do 
over  your  own. 


124  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

I  shall  end  this  ''extract "-re view,  by 
making  a  few  remarks  upon  Mrs.  Gen- 
eral Shermans  letter  (the  original  of 
which  the  Alta  editors  say  they  saw) 
published  a  few  days  ago.  Poor 
credulous  Mrs.  Sherman !  She  re- 
ceived a  letter  from  Father  Accolti,  and 
thinks  that  our  hero  may  be  suffering  the 
pains  of  martyrdom,  and  hastens  to  send 
him  comfort  and  condolence.  She  soothes 
the  virtuous  but  too  courageous  man, 
hopes  he  will  not  be  too  ''cast  down," 
and  will  not  mind  what  may  be  said  of 
him — an  advice  that,  before  the  storm 
blows  over,  he  may  find  difficult  to  fol- 
low. She  believes  every  word  he  writes, 
though  she  would  7iever  have  imagined  the 
half  of  what  he  says  to  be  ti^ue  !!  Whew  ! 
What  an  admission  !  How  wonderful  is 
faith !  What  eyes  it  can  give  us  !  If 
this  married  lady  needed  the  lenses  of 
Mr.  Herman's  vision  to  see  what  was 
invisible  without   them,  can   it  be  true 


MRS.    SHERMAN    UPSETS    THE    PAIL.      1 25 

what  he  asserts — that,  with  all  other 
opportunities  to  be  wise,  ''  the  youth  of 
either  sex  "  do  not  need  the  "  Dance  of 
Death  "  to  teach  them  what  they  could 
easily  know  without  it  f  Mrs.  Sherman's 
admission  is  all  the  more  conclusive  on 
this  point,  as  she  neither  saw  nor  meant 
the  inference.  She  stamps  the  "  Dance" 
as  a  revelation  (less  divine  than  diabol- 
ical, I  fear)  quite  undiscoverable  by  man  s 
unaided  powers,  or  woman's  either.  And 
so  it  must  rerhain. 

We,  too,  Mrs.  Sherman,  would  be  de- 
lighted to  know  the  name  of  that  '*  emi- 
nent and  renowned  "  lady-correspondent 
of  your  hero,  but  our  just  curiosity  will 
never  be  gratified.  There  is  no  fear, 
kind,  credulous  Mrs.  Sherman,  that  any 
"  wrong  lady  "  will  be  "  hounded  by  the 
newspapers "  for  the  alleged  communi- 
cation to  Mr.  H.;  they  know  well  enough 
how  unassailable  is  the  character  of  the 
realy    that    is,    ideal  lady,    and  will   not 


126  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

give  your  suffering  hero  a  chance  to  have 
a  laugh  at  their  expense.  Be  comforted, 
Mrs.  Sherman;  no  lady,  I  vouch  for  it, 
will  be  brought  to  grief 

Before  closing  these  critical  remarks, 
I  must  not  omit  to  notice  the  decided 
stand  that  three  papers  of  this  city  have 
nobly  taken  against  the  "Dance."  In 
the  Daily  Stock  Exchange  of  August  2  ist„ 
is  published  a  thoughtful  and  eloquent 
protest,  from  a  lady,  against  this  rniser- 
ab  le  production  of — to  quote  her  words 
— "  a  diseased  or  degraded  being."  Its 
blighting  influence  is  rapidly  spreading, 
she  declares,  and  closes  by  hoping  that 
the  private  feelings  of  parents  regarding 
it  will  soon  be  publicly  expressed,  and 
a  stop  thus  put  to  its  tide  of  corruption. 
This  lady  has  my  hearty  thanks,  and 
most  friendly  greeting  for  her  out-spoken 
indignation  and  warning.  As  a  com- 
ment upon  her  letter,  the  editor  simply 
remarks  that  he  hopes  the  police  author- 


BURNS  "the  dance.       I  27 

ities  will  soon  suppress  this  "  nasty  book;" 
which  hope,  I  sincerely  trust,  he  will  soon 
see  realized. 

The  second  paper  is  the  Argonaut,  a 
critical  and  literary  Weekly  of  marked 
ability,  that  is  rapidly  winning  its  way  to 
public  favor.  How  this  journal  flayed 
the  *'  Dance,"  before  casting  it  to  the 
flames,  can  be  seen  in  the  subjoined  ex- 
tract : 

"Mr.  Rulofson,  the  photographer,  has  written, 
under  the  nom  de  plume  of  WiUiam  Herman,  an 
incomparably  indecent  work,  unfit  for  the  reading 
of  anybody,  and  calculated  to  do  as  much  ill  as 
such  bold  and  bad  trash  can  do.  Its  very  nasti- 
ness  will  disarm  it  to  a  certain  extent.  It  will  be 
excluded  from  all  decent  society.  We  are  sorry  to 
say  it  is  sold  by  respectable  book-sellers,  and  we  are 
utterly  disgusted  that  it  has  received  the  endorse- 
ment of  certain  unthinking  newspapers,  unreflecting 
clergymen,  and  foolish  women. 

**  Immodest  words  admit  of  no  defense, 
For  want  of  decency  is  want  of  sense." 

After  reading  the  copy  presented  to  us  for  review, 
we  burned  it." 

And  last  in  order  of  time,  but  not  least, 


128  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

is  the  withering  onslaught  in  the  Spirit 
of  the  Times  of  Sept.  8th,  by  its  editor. 
We  feel  more  secure  and  proud  to  know 
that  such  a  spirit  exists  and  asserts  itself 
when  necessary,  and  hope  that  San  Fran- 
cisco will  show  that  she  is  not  behind 
this,  the  true  Spirit  of  the  Times,  by 
acting  upon  the  editor's  indignant  call  for 
the  stoppage  of  the  further  circulation 
of  so  deadly  a  poison.  We  recommend 
the  perusal  of  the  article  to  all  interested 
in  the  protection  and  welfare  of  our  city. 

The  good  examples  of  these  papers, 
especially  the  last,  should  have  stimulated 
before  now,  others  to  speak  or  act  in  be- 
half of  public  morality. 

There  appeared  last  month  in  a  Daily 
(not  particularly  scrupulous)  of  this  city> 
the  following : 

A  BAWDY  BOOK. 


An  English  Opinion  of  the  "  Dance  of  Death." 

A  couple  of  months  ago  a  gentleman  of  this  city 
mailed  a  copy  of  the  rather  notoriou    production 


"DANCE      "KNOWS    ITSELF.  1 29 

called  The  Datice  of  Death,  to  a  friend  in  London, 
a  well-known  literary  man,  making  the  suggestion 
that  a  re-publication  there  might  prove  profitable. 
Yesterday  the  San  Franciscan  received  a  letter  from 
his  friend  in  which  this  agreeable  little  passage  oc- 
curs. 

"  The  book  has  arrived  and  I  have  read  it.  I 
sincerely  trust  it  may  never  be  my  fate  to  look  upon 
its  like  again.  Do  you  forget  that  there  is  an  in- 
stitution in  this  country  known  as  '  The  Society  for 
the  Suppression  of  Vice  ?'  Why,  if  we  were  to  pub- 
lish this  filthy  book  we  should  be  summoned  to  the 
Police  Court  for  seUing  an  obscene  publication,  and 
we  should  richly  deserve  it !  Any  pure-minded 
woman  would  receive  a  deeper  moral  blight  in  read- 
ing three  of  these  pages  than  she  possibly  could  in 
waltzing  every  night,  all  her  life  long,  unless,  indeed, 
she  happened  to  be  cursed  with  a  partner  in  the 
dance,  such  as  the  filthy  beast  that  wrote  the  book; 
for  to  my  mind  it  could  not  be  written  by  any  other 
than  a  degraded  intellect.  Excuse  my  speaking 
strongly,  but  you  say  it  is  written  by  an  acquain- 
tance of  yours.  I  am  glad  he  is  not  among  your 
friends." 

Now,  I  think  I  can  make  even  a  bet- 
ter use  for  public  benefit  of  this  "English 


130  THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 

opinion  "  than  did  "  Leone,"  in  the  Stock 
Exchange.  She,  innocent  soul,  treated 
it  as  genuine,  and  quoted  from  it.  True, 
the  sentiments  as  above  are  most  just  and 
appropriate,  but  the  beauty  of  the  mat- 
ter, Leone,  is,  that  they  were  written 
by  the  author  himself,  or  his  "  right 
bower," — business  tricks,  you  know.  So 
that  you  can  have  Rulofson  himself  as 
your  Cicerone  into  the  very  heart  of  the 
Rulofson  cavern  ;  a  most  reliable,  if  not 
entertaining  or  desirable  guide  !  In  this 
we  have  again  his  own  genuhie  opinion 
of  what  his  book  can  a7id  will  ef^ect, 
just  as  I  exposed  it  in  the  preceding 
chapter,  regarding  the  fulfilment  of  the 
p7^ophecy.  "Any  pure-minded  woman 
would  receive  a  deeper  moral  blight  in 
reading  three  of  its  pages,"  etc.  Who 
shall  now  say  that  my  whip-caption  to 
this  chapter  if  applied  to  him  would  be 
unjust  ?  Who  can  -afford  to  shed  tears 
if  a  little  of  his  leprous  hide  comes 
away. 


FAREWELL,  SWEET  '*  DANCE  !"   I3I 

A  great  many  personal  remarks  upon 
"this  same  Wm.  Herman,"  for  reasons, 
my  friends,  that  you  can  imagine,  I 
have  abstained  from  making.  One 
was  that  they  were  unnecessary.  Still, 
as  I  undertook  to  contribute  my  mite 
to  nullify  the  effect  of  this  book  of 
his,  some  may  think  I  need  not 
have  been  so  squeamish.  But  they 
should  reflect  that  it  would  be  wholly 
abhorrent  to  me  and  unbecoming  a  lady 
to  explore  the  depths  of  the  cavern  from 
which  issued  so  fetid  a  child  as  the 
"  Dance."  And  to  those  who,  on  the 
contrary,  think  I  have  transgressed  even 
in  what  I  have  written,  I  beg  to  say,  in 
the  words  of  the  dramatist : 

"Pray,  forgive  me, 
If  I  have  used  myself  unmannerly^ 
You  knovyr  I  am  a  woman,  lacking  wit, 
To  make  a  seemly  answer  to  such  as  he" 

Fare  well,  sweet  *'Dance  of  Death,"  fare- 
well !     I  have  lingered  too  long  in   thy 


132 


THE    DANCE    OF    LIFE. 


Upas-shade,  and  must  now  move  forever 
away  from  thy  baneful  atmosphere  into 
the  life-giving  sunshine. 


14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 

LOAN  DEPT. 

RENEWALS  ONLY— TEL.  NO.  642^405 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 

Renewed  books  are  subjea  to  immediate  recall. 


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